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written on 2nd December, 2025 recollecting experiences.
Advent doodles drawn since 19th November, except for the Carnival post, which was done in an early autumn morning in October
Other art log days are dated accordingly
Read the posts on the advent calendar
here.
I barged in and volunteered to make 24 little pixel badges for Gazette's Advent Calendar Kami was hosting. Sometimes I felt like I unintentionally took on a drawing challenge and flew a bit close to the sun. You will see below some of the times I did fly a bit too close, crashed and burned. Most of the time, I crashed because I wasn't good enough to draw pretty much every idea, and it took me a couple tries. The others, I was simply just not satisfied with what turned out or just overwhelmed with other things in my life feeling stuck.
But I do have a soft spot for the things that I drew, so I'm putting them up for you to see me stumbling through ideas or just wrestle with an unpolished skill in the works, along with little anecdotes behind them. The anecdotes put together ended up being long, so you can get a drink and cosy up with me. Or just have a quick stroll through.
Post 01
TV and the Carnival Post:
I had some strong feelings about Kpop Demon Hunters for months. So I was wondering if other people had similar feelings and critique for their beloved shows and movies that had queer undertones. Winther suggested it be a carnival thing, and here we are. The original title was "Queer media that made you feel things". But I didn't want unwanted or negative attention on people's posts list if they didn't post queer things, or weren't feeling safe, so I decided to replace queer with lavender. While it does signify more of the lesbian part of being queer, I did intend it to be for anyone, and was happy to get some submissions from diverse people. Also, it's a great colour.
I also woke up one October morning and wanted some snow on the carnival post. I searched up some examples but unfortunately I couldn't remember where I got it from. I also asked Kami to put it on the advent post, and she accepted, I was very happy with it.
Yule log:
I had already made a pixel Christmas tree in October for the Carnival post. But I wanted one of those big art banners steam sales have that were pretty enough to be a wallpaper. I drew a fireplace, thinking it would become a full-blown panoramic view of a cosy place for the holidays. In the end, I didn't have time to make my full room rendering. So I threw in the tree I already made in there, and drew a tiny sofa with a chilly window (there's a shooting star in the chilly window if you didn't catch it). I put in a tiny typewriter there too for the bloggers to feel like they're typing the posts in that scene. It's also a reference to the times when a couple bear bloggers put up posts written in typewriters.
You can tell I made the animation sitting in an airport café, because I was too tired to be bothered to make proper shadows and the snowy breeze. I'm just hoping people won't notice (well, not any more).
I made the animation loop in two parts, the sparks and the burning. The sparks were supposed to happen only once and the burning was supposed to loop. But I didn't figure out how to implement that in a gif, since a gif is just one loop.
Maybe some day I'll figure out a looper inside a gif.
The first batch of badgesPost 03 - what have I gotten myself into
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Posted
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How it started life
Felt like the first one I drew was kinda scary looking with cheerfully dead eyes. The badge going from dead eyes to eyeliner and pink accents is totally not an allegory for egg cracking. 1
I was also a bit sad that I couldn't draw cute things.
Mono was the first to propose a post for the advent. I ended up making a little doodle for it as part of my daily procrastination diet. It was then I thought maybe all the posts should have their own badges. I proposed it, thinking there'd be more people volunteering for pixel art badges since they are quick to make.
I ended up doing the whole thing. What have I gotten myself into.
Post 14 - I can't possibly draw that!
Suliman came in with the abstract idea of how the holidays feel forced on immigrants. I couldn't really capture all the vibes in the tiny canvas, but I thought if I can capture the way he felt, that would be enough. So I just started with a simple heart break and quickly realised I can't draw symmetrical things. I also tried a wreath losing its decorations on Suliman's request, which eventually ended up in final badge combined. After the final version took shape, I felt like I found my groove.
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Outtake 01
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Outtake 02
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Posted
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Alternative
Post 06 - yet another cute thing butchered
Ash was the second to come in to participate. Immediately and characteristically, he came up with a post for international raccoon day. Another page in my sob story of "I can't draw cute things". This was the most I've stumbled on. The rest of them don't have as many tries, just alternatives. By the time I redid and finished the final version, I had finished Suliman's badge before this one.
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Look
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at the
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horrors
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Okay this resembles a raccoon, I think.
Get good references.
Post 09 - lol I definitely can't draw that...
Ivan shared a very deep post with us, and all I thought was... how the hell am I going to do it justice.
I didn't, but I tried. It doesn't come off as well on the tiny window in the calendar, so here's a bigger version. It's supposed to symbolize all the people who didn't make it or aren't able to yet, through the journey towards greed and consumption of the holidays. I have no idea how I thought of it, I guess their post was that gut-wrenching among all the holiday cheer.
Second batch - default badges and colour scheme change
Without many incoming post titles/ideas at the time, I made some default badges in case I wasn't able to make it in time for a post. I also made some lights to sprinkle around the carnival post and the yule log, but never ended up doing it.
Seven badges in, you'd think it'd be better to not make any sweeping changes that might compromise the others. I was stupid and I changed the pico-8 colour scheme for the reason to be more Christmas-y (whatever that meant). So this was the custom colour scheme for the pico-8 I went by. I drew in its sprite editor, exported the sprite sheets and edited out the backgrounds to be transparent in Aseprite. This was also when I made the Yule log, which along with the other badges use this custom palette.
Post 08 - tired
This slot wasn't filled up so I thought I'd make a cheeky joke with the art about me being overwhelmed about this (which was true). So one tired day in the end of November, I made this. It didn't end up in the calendar, Pirate added a new post to it and the calendar was whole. I ended up with an outtake and a work-in-progress page art. This was also the first time I was drawing myself, which felt weird and kind of affirming.
Posts 02-07 & 08 (again) - First Week Panic
It's the end of November already, and I haven't finished the rest of first week's badges yet. Kami was getting ready with her script to auto post the links to the calendar every morning.
Panik.
I quickly whip up the requests I got and finally organized them in a spreadsheet with the links to all the assets, so she doesn't have to re-upload and link the images. Until then, it was a combination of pico-8 files, pngs and gifs spread out across my computer's filesystem. Fun suddenly became a responsibility, and I couldn't let people down.
I did end up having some alternatives for this week, for Kami's cozy post and Pirate's consumerism post. Both of them helped me make better versions.
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Posted - Pirate's consumerism
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Alternative
Kami's avatar from final fantasy XIV was used for this one, her avatar is so pretty, but I couldn't fit in all the details in the tiny canvas. The first one is me drawing her avatar from memory and ending up with a chibi looking like she's melting. I ended up asking her for references and it made it slightly better with the posted verison
Get good references.
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I still can't draw cute things
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Posted Version
Halfway conclusions - The calendar goes live!
I wake up early on December 1st to see if my scheduled post was up and for some reason, bearblog posts a some minutes after it was scheduled - I found this out because I paniked and posted it manually, while Kami's advent post went live 4 minutes after our scheduled time, nice and slow.
Those four minutes were filled with unnecessary panic for no reason.
Kami accidentally auto-posts the second day post too, so I got to read her post earlier, hehe very exclusive. She corrected that immediately, so I didn't get the time to appreciate my December-02 badge enough.
Waking up the next day felt like magic with Kami's new (old) post with my art. It didn't hit me that my art was representing someone else's post until now. Looking at a new badge I made appear the next morning too was magic.
I rest easy knowing that I caught up with all the badges for this week and go back to just worrying about my assignments and exams. I start writing this log to be posted by the end of advent as a little surprise treat for any art people who want to peer and judge into the amatuer behind the scenes. I'm glad I didn't just delete all the outtakes.
By now, I'm used to making these things, I'm a lot faster, not necessarily better with the art, but I'm just glad I'm doing art for fun in the first place. A lot less alternatives and stumbling, just sit, draw and upload. Very tight process. It became a habit. My self loathing of not being able to draw cute things are slowly dying down with "get good references" being hammered down, but the loathing still in the back of my mind contracting the hammering down to simply "get good". I see the aesthetic, but I cannot internalise it for my own art. And in between all this, I think I might be worried what my life will feel like after advent is over. Such a simple thing making me question my ability feels so vain, yet so real.
Third batch
written and drawn on December 3rd, 2025
This batch has me writing this in real time as I make the badges. I never thought these small doodles will have so much to say, yet feels like there is little art content padded with my existential insecurities. I put these thoughts aside, and kept writing and drawing because that's what I'm used to doing by now. I wake up on December 3rd, see mono's gingerbread post made a tiny bit whimsical with my badge. The magic is still there, and so are the self-doubts.
Hopefully someone takes all this is as a slice of life and not a low effort post.
Post 10
Santa's abilities on a monster for a dnd campaign sounded amazing. So many ideas, but I just stuck with the simple D20 die. It took me a bit more than 20 minutes but I'm satisfied it was done without too much fuss. My lines are still jageddy, I could've just used aseprite to make cleaner lines. But I still use pico-8 to
draw these little things, and I'm fine with the amatuer mistakes.
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Posted Version
Post 12
written and drawn on December 6th, 2025
Inchwyrm LOVES green, and little green guys. All the topics they had didn't really have green elements that much, so I decided to make their child self looking at the snow for the time be a little green guy.
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Posted Version
Post 13
written and drawn on December 7th, 2025
I cannot draw straight lines in the pico-8 editor. Even worse if it meant I needed to draw fractally mirrored lines. I did try to make a snowflake, and there were... some results. So for this one, I switched to aseprite.
I wasn't familiar with the symmetry options on aseprite, and you can see me stumbling through it. But in the end, I kinda made it look like a snowflake.
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Felt like a shard coming out of a heart...
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Trying to understand symmetry options
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oh looks like something
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Posted Version
It'll be nice to see how Suliman's heartbreak stays on the side of another giant heart. I still haven't started writing my post for the 11th december, nor have I made a badge. Smol panik, among the big panik of work and uni assignments.
Post 11
written on December 11th, 2025; drawn on December 7th.
I wasn't feeling well enough to write anything for this... this week was a bit depressing for me, but I managed to write the post in time. I wanted to talk a bit more about the complex systems science of cities that related with snowflakes, but just put up what I had for the post. Maybe some day this month, I'd not feel down to post it.
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Blog Post gif version
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Advent Calendar Version
Fourth Batch: Posts 15-21
written on December 16th, 2025; drawn on too many scattered dates, with unfinished things. I didn't keep track of it, nor do I remember that week well.
There aren't any alternatives to the following posts, I just drew and uploaded what I had. Admittedly, the quality on this batch went down. In between plans for this month for uni and work falling apart, getting a bit sick, the anxiety of the year ending with unfulfilled goals, I wanted to somehow keep this up without just throwing in the towel. I even lost the visalization of how things should look on the calendar and instead was focussing on how it looked to me having smaller detailed elements instead of big obvious elements that catch the eye to communicate the things that matter. Maybe with the coming week, I can make things a little calmer, and make it with what matters.
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I was too afraid to draw fingers, but it looks like a boxing glove
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Posted Version
The Final 3
written on December 21st, 2025
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I somehow put some green in there for inch
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hehe shiny
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Pirate swooped in to give his title in the end at the right time as I was leaving the house for a dinner. Time zones feel heavy on my brain and the different hours did not help.
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why does Drake look more like DJ Khalid
I somehow found the fun in making these again. It wasn't calmer, with the holidays starting, only more things to do piled up. But, I had gone through some tiny personal breakthroughs with my transitioning, and things seemed a bit brighter in general. For Pirate's post on the 23rd, I had no idea, so I salvaged some festive defaults I made, I kinda feel guilty I didn't make an original doodle for him besides the first one. I love making stars on pixel art, it's one of the things that drew me into pixel art time and time again, so I was excited for Inch's post. I had no idea what Winther's post was about either, I only got the title "why 25th is special" beforehand, and the title doesn't really say what's the special thing. I found it funny that the 24th was completely ignored for a post meant for the 24th, so that became the art for it XD
Thank you <3
I'll miss drawing these, I definitely won't miss recurring weekly deadlines!
The first two weeks were really nice, I loved drawing on a schedule, but the last two weeks, near the holidays, when everything was coming to a close with some pressure to finish things before the 19th for university and work did a number on me. I might get some help if I ever do this the next time as well. I have a feeling I might not, with life getting busier next year. So I'm just gonna enjoy what I have for this year and reminisce over all the good and bad stuff.
I am really thankful I get to be a part of something bigger than me but just small enough of a community that it doesn't feel pointless. Thank you Kami for hosting this. Thank you to the authors who stepped up and wrote your posts at 1am or even days before. I read each and every one of the posts that gave meaning to my art, and I will be re-reading them to relax today. Thank YOU especially for reading our posts. If you feel left out and wanted to participate, please do write how you feel about the holidays and send them to me! I will definitely read them and share it with the advent team, maybe even ask if we can feature the links on the calendar page. If you made art, send them to me! I will barge in and ask the advent people to definitely put up your art. (I'd be glad if you send them in the form of postcards, but any art is appreciated!)
I hope your drink didn't get too cold.
From all of us who made the Advent calendar, yet another time
Merry Christmas!
Reply via email.
if some part of this spoke to you.
I'd be happy to hear what you think ^-^
Licensed under CC BY NC ND 4.0
I should definitely make a reverse variant of going from dead eyeliner to... ??. If there are any mascs reading, I'd love to know what the transition should go to.↩
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On a whim, I made suliman one of his favourite characters in purple. I didn't think he'd end up making it his blog's avatar, it's kinda sweet.
