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Part IV: 2022

I had to take a PCR test for confirmation and on New Year I received my positive PCR result. The next day, I was called by the health authorities of Halle, which was the last place where I was registered and the address I would often give when I had to give one (at least in web forms, as there is usually no proper option for the homeless). I was surprised that they called me on a Sunday, making sure that I knew that I was extremely infectious (based on the viral load). When I told the officer that I was currently at my mother’s place in Berlin, he told me that I would receive the quarantine letter from the Berlin authorities.

After nearly a week, I received a letter from the responsible office, saying that I would need to quarantine until the 15th of January because I got tested on the 1st. I tried to call and mail them at least a dozen times to clarify that I tested on the 31st, and that the quarantine is 14 days from the first emergence of symptoms, which was on the 26th. As I didn’t receive any response, I just ended my quarantine as soon as my self test was negative. In fact, I did not quarantine the way I was required to, but in the way it made sense to me, i.e. I went for some walks on my own to catch some sunlight, but I wore a new FFP2 mask in the public areas my mother shares with her elderly roommates. Luckily, I didn‘t have to worry about not infecting her, as I got the virus from her.

In the first days, I was still worried that the health authorities could come to check if I were at home. Soon, I lost this fear, knowing how notoriously inefficient Berlin’s public sector is even in normal times. When my quarantine was already over, they finally managed to send me a confirmation. Several weeks later, when I had long returned to Sweden, I received another text message telling me to quarantine immediately in capital letters. Obviously a mistake, yet I imagine more law-abiding (or more ignorant) citizens than myself taking such a message seriously. I wish I lived in a country where it isn’t normalized to get text messages putting you under house arrest… oh wait, I do.

In the first days, I was still worried that the health authorities could come to check if I were at home. Soon, I lost this fear, knowing how notoriously inefficient Berlin’s public sector is even in normal times.

In March, I started my first official, full-time job in Sweden. This left me with less time for my corona-related research. Around the same time, the Swedes seem to have made a silent agreement to ignore SARS-CoV-2 entirely. People rarely talk about corona anymore and if they do, it‘s mostly in the form of “now, after the pandemic.” But Germany still has a mask mandate in public transport to this date, a vaccine mandate for health personnel, and a health minister who constantly threatens the population with new restrictions. When I was in Germany over Easter, it was the first time since 2019 that I didn’t feel extremely relieved once I left the country again. The mask mandate had been lifted already everywhere aside from public transport in the states I visited, and so have vaccination and testing requirements, aside from the health sector.

…the Swedes seem to have made a silent agreement to ignore SARS-CoV-2 entirely. People rarely talk about corona anymore and if they do, it‘s mostly in the form of “now, after the pandemic.”

I had a short romantic encounter with a German woman in March. To sum it up in few words: She was a supporter of vaccine mandates, medical discrimination (she strongly objects to this term), and many other Covid policies, but also mentioned it was “kinda sexy” that I am “unvaccinated.” On an abstract level, I prefer to keep some distance from people who support vaccine mandates, which threaten to upend the lives of many I hold dear (and myself). But in reality, I was a mere slave to my desires for such proximity after years of social distancing. I reflected about that encounter on the subreddit because I knew that there, others would understand my irritation. The woman in question discovered my post and was mad, partly because I saw our entire encounter through the lockdown-skeptic lens. I decided to take a break from reddit as I assumed it reinforced my “othering” of people who see things differently, which is not beneficial for my personal development.

As I put it in my farewell message to the subreddit: “I’m fighting a mental war against people who don’t even notice it. I judge others and hold them responsible for something they are not even aware of. This is not a healthy way of going forward. It makes me lonely and anxious, and it contributes nothing to what I want to achieve. I don’t know if I can forgive others for what they have done, but maybe I should start to be more accepting. I’m not speaking of approval, but of a sort of neutral acceptance. Lockdowns made me distrust others. But maybe I should stop expecting anything and just take people like they are, without judgment.”

I don’t know if I can forgive others for what they have done, but maybe I should start to be more accepting.

Now, three more months have passed and not much has changed. The fact that this text has been lying around half-finished on my laptop for months shows how tired I am of dealing with the subject. At the same time, I think that now is the perfect time to attack the dominant narrative as people are not as scared anymore and are more willing to engage in rational discussion. I’ve been procrastinating for months on finishing my research on stay-at-home orders, but probably I should just let that topic rest as the majority has already turned against stay-at-home orders, at least for the time being, and focus on other issues. There is still a mask mandate to fight in Germany. For the end of June, a scientific evaluation of Covid measures is announced and I am looking forward to reading it. Given how little public experts seem to differentiate between the questions “do masks work?” and “do mask mandates work?” I have no high hopes, but maybe I will be positively surprised by the results. (Update: I was positively surprised indeed: https://www.reddit.com/r/LockdownSkepticism/comments/vuh9c2/a_lockdowncritical_summary_of_the_report_of_the/) Maybe they will even change my mind with regard to the effectiveness of masks, which still doesn’t change my ethical objections towards being forced to hide my face and breathe through plastic whenever I am in a public space.

Most importantly, I want to do more research on the effects of lockdowns on the global poor. Ultimately, my friend was right to accuse me of being politically egocentric when I continue to rant about masks more than about starving children.

Certainly, the time to act is now, but I am tired. I took a break from reddit, hoping that it would help me to find some peace and calm to focus on my research, but I think the opposite is the case. In the past weeks I ignored the injustice that has been done, which is ultimately only serving those who are responsible for this. Which, in my view, isn’t the government or the WHO, or the WEF, or whomever people like to point their fingers at, but the literal billions who supported this madness. And I’m responsible myself for not doing more to fight back.

What have the past 2.5 years done to me? Most of all, they made me lose trust. They made me lose trust in institutions I once felt protected by. They made me lose trust in our constitution, which guarantees fundamental rights and human dignity in a much more flexible, not to say useless, manner than I thought. The last years made me realize the power of authority. I cannot even trust my closest friends not to support rampant institutional discrimination against minorities if the joint authority of government, major opposition parties, scientific establishment, and established media all join in on the campaign. The closer people are to me, the more I still trust that they would try to prevent harm befalling me myself, but I don’t make a clear distinction between a personal affront and an institutionalized one.

What have the past 2.5 years done to me? Most of all, they made me lose trust. They made me lose trust in institutions I once felt protected by.

Overall, I see everyone who supported stay-at-home orders as someone who has personally supported confining me to my flat. I see everyone who supports the current government the same way as someone who would have personally rejected to meet me over my vaccination status, because they supported a policy that institutionalized exactly this discrimination. I tried it, but staying off reddit has not helped to bridge any gaps. I try to be a supportive friend nonetheless. I have zero desire for revenge or retaliation, but I won’t forget and I will choose much more carefully whom to trust going forward.

I cannot even trust my closest friends not to support rampant institutional discrimination against minorities if the joint authority of government, major opposition parties, scientific establishment, and established media all join in on the campaign.

At the same time, I have to remind myself that the future is unwritten. Who knows where the front line lies in the future? As disappointed as I am of people for supporting the authoritarian policies of 2020 and 2021, I feel like I should not rely on those who have opposed lockdowns and other mandates as being on my side forever. It strikes me as weird how I feel a boost of trust whenever I learn that someone is not vaccinated against Covid-19, even though I regard vaccination as a purely personal medical decision. That doesn’t mean at all that I distrust everyone who did get vaccinated, not at all. But the overwhelming majority of vaccinated Germans also support vaccine mandates and those who chose not to get vaccinated have proven a certain immunity to social pressure that I respect a lot. Then again, many “unvaccinated” also followed peer pressure within their smaller social circles that might have opposing views on the matter. But all in all, everyone deserves respect.

I lost all trust in our political institutions. I thought our constitutions would guarantee some fundamental rights, but all of a sudden, I feel like an extremist for fighting for something as fundamental as leaving my house with a naked face. Back in the days, I enjoyed being part of a crowd, e.g. in a football stadium. I think I could still enjoy such events, but not without thinking of the imminent danger of herd behavior. I think I gained some self confidence in the past 2 years as most people around me would literally hide their face when told so…well, I have been masking a lot, too, but at least I actively protest against it with the caption on my mask.

…all of a sudden, I feel like an extremist for fighting for something as fundamental as leaving my house with a naked face.

The price for my increased self-confidence is that I am more nervous and anxious. To say it with Mobb Deep: “There’s a war going on outside no man is safe from.” I started to work out regularly, partly because I feel that being fit increases my chances of getting by when all the institutions I once trusted fail me once again. In Germany, I was at least free to leave my country. I think Sweden is wide and empty enough to be more or less okay even if it might turn full scale authoritarian one day. But I often imagined what I would have done if I lived in e.g. Spain, where people weren’t even allowed to go outside, let alone take a train to Sweden. It certainly might come in handy in the next lockdown to be able to outrun some cops, climb some fences, or march for many kilometres when public transport can’t be relied upon. I see the world through harsher lenses now, but I am willing to take on the challenge to live many more years.

I often imagined what I would have done if I lived in e.g. Spain, where people weren’t even allowed to go outside, let alone take a train to Sweden.

As I finish this text, it is the beginning of July. I’ve been in Germany for a few days, and I haven’t worn a mask for a single minute. When I entered the country with the bus from Denmark, the police checked everyone’s IDs, but hasn’t said a word about almost all the passengers being bare-faced. On the next bus, within Germany, the bus driver unenthusiastically announced that there is a mask mandate, but obviously didn’t care – just as the vast majority of passengers don’t either. Voluntary masking in shops has dropped to well below 50 %. For the first time since over 2 years, Germany feels normal, unless you read the news. It is hard to believe, but a majority of Germans want mask mandates and other rules to return in autumn. I hope they develop a taste for normalcy in the next weeks that makes them think twice.

For me, everything still feels fake. A friendly waitress serves me a plate of delicious fish, but I can’t enjoy it the same as before. I know the restaurant wouldn’t even have served me a few months ago. Even the few places that I was allowed to enter would require me to hide my face. Now they act as if nothing happened, but I wasn’t dreaming. While others “move on”, I’m stuck with bitterness and resentment. I don’t feel like leaving tips at places that willfully implemented mandates without a hint of criticism. I don’t feel like going there at all. But hurt feelings have seldom been a catalyst for political change. I don’t want to move on and let the abuse of the past two years be memory holed either. I still have to find allies, and I have to streamline my efforts to have an impact. I shall spend less time commenting on reddit or writing stuff no one reads. Yet the irony is: I’ve been working on this text for too long and I doubt many will be interested to read it. But I gladly followed the invite to lay down my memories of the past 2 years, not least to be able to read them myself in the future.

I know the restaurant wouldn’t even have served me a few months ago. Even the few places that I was allowed to enter would require me to hide my face. Now they act as if nothing happened, but I wasn’t dreaming.

I am in a national park right now, in the Wadden Sea, and there are more restrictions regarding avian flu than coronavirus. Today, we passed a huge colony of terns screaming and chattering wildly. They are in the middle of an outbreak, but they are full of life. Some dead birds lie around, but the others chat and hunt and mate the same as always, unimpressed by the deadly virus that wreaks havoc among their fellows. Inspiring.

END Part IV.

-“J.”

[Featured image by Griffin Wooldridge via Pexels]

Big thanks again to my friend J for sharing his thoughts with us. Here are the 3rd and 4th parts of his story (written July 2022). (-Yvon.)

Part III: 2021

When I told my best friend that I would leave Germany, he said he couldn’t imagine keeping in touch with me. As he had passively supported most of the measures, our relationship had already suffered a lot. But nonetheless, he meant and means a lot to me, so I was sad. But most of all, I was surprised about his harsh reaction.

When I told my best friend that I would leave Germany, he said he couldn’t imagine keeping in touch with me.

My friend wrote me an e-mail to explain himself. He pointed out correctly: “I perceived you in the pandemic as someone who didn’t deny any facts, but basically found the restriction of rights to be the defining issue. For me, it never was, because the life, suffering, and death, with, from, and because of corona was a big emotional concern to me.” He didn’t criticize my different perspective as much as my lack of empathy and me being politically egocentric: “I feel your thought of leaving the country for an unknown duration is the ultimate apolitical act. For the simple reason that from that moment on you take yourself out of the system, completely without regard to what happens to the system afterwards. And I think that’s what bothered me in the months before, that despite your socio-political outcry in the petition, you did nothing afterwards. No organization, no allies sought, no actions to change the status quo, as one does as a political activist. Moreover, your criticism focused on the measures you felt were drastic for your own needs. And your thoughts ultimately ran to the point of how you could escape the measures for yourself.” This hit home. I fully agree with this criticism and wish I would have done better. Luckily, he found some reconciliation with my decision to emigrate and we are still in regular contact.

Still from Stockholm, I sent in my resignation letter. Back in Germany, I worked for the last 3 months, mostly from home, as before. I found a corner shop that didn’t care about masks and started to buy everything I could there instead of the supermarket. Restrictions remained similar throughout these 3 months, with occasional changes, e.g. the imposing of a “corona leash” that wouldn’t allow people to travel further than 15 km. Where I lived, no curfew was introduced before I left for Sweden. On my last day at work, I didn’t wear a mask. As I had already resigned, I had nothing to lose. People reacted with irritation but they knew it made no sense to make a fuss, so they shrugged? as I handed over my keys with my naked face.

On my last day at work, I didn’t wear a mask. As I had already resigned, I had nothing to lose.

I spent the first weeks in Sweden volunteering on farms and trying to proceed with my research in the evenings. My project on stay-at-home orders escalated quite a bit: I spent months scanning through the websites of Albanian newspapers, Andorran ministries, or Moldovan press agencies to gather a comprehensive dataset of stay-at-home orders in all European countries.

In the end of May 2021, I had to return to Germany in order to hand over my apartment. I arrived just for the last night of curfew. Naturally, I spent most of the night outside. I stood still when a car would pass by, but no police stopped me on my way to the park. There, I was entertained wonderfully by a nightingale who gave me her best curfew concert. It was the first time I had ever heard a nightingale sing and it was truly beautiful. Around that time, I also figured out a way to feel a little less horrible wearing a mask: I wrote “End the mask mandate” on my FFP2 mask, with a black marker and in capital letters. This way everyone at close distance would know that I am only wearing a mask because I can’t afford a fine or being kicked out the store of train.

I wrote “End the mask mandate” on my FFP2 mask, with a black marker and in capital letters.

Back in Sweden, I booked an AirBnB room for a month to work full-time on my research and finally published my website. As I didn’t want to leave all the data completely unannotated, I also read through all available research on the matter and wrote a literature review. Additionally, I crafted some lines on ethical considerations of stay-at-home restrictions. You can find my work on https://www.a-good-reason.eu.

Unfortunately, I’m not much of a salesman, and gathering all this information was exhausting on its own. Therefore, I am not aware of a single person who has used my data yet. I basically shared it only with family and friends, and the aforementioned subreddit. Literally every single unsolicited e-mail I received on my project e-mail was spam. A friend invited me several times to speak on her podcast, which would be a great opportunity for further outreach. Each time I told her I’m not quite ready, but the more time passes, the less convinced I am that I will ever be ready. After my AirBnB stay, I moved to a hostel that recently opened where I could pay my rent with cleaning. That was not the type of job I hoped for, but I prefer cleaning toilets without a mask over doing anything with a mask, and the physical work helped me focus on my research in my spare time.

I prefer cleaning toilets without a mask over doing anything with a mask.

Meanwhile, hardly anyone talked about lockdowns anymore even though they were bound to return, but only for the new public enemies: The “unvaccinated”!(*)  Back in 2020, I was happy to hear positive news about Covid vaccines. Partly because the vaccines could save some people from suffering and dying from Covid, and partly because effective vaccines could mark the end of the tyranny of fear. How wrong I was, once again! Instead of facilitating the way out of the pandemic, they paved the way to a climate of discrimination that I would have never imagined possible in Germany.

[*I write “unvaccinated” and “vaccinated” in quotation marks when it refers to different classes of people that are distinguished by arbitrary official regulations. “Unvaccinated” is used to classify a group of people to discriminate against but bears little actual meaning. I am vaccinated against several diseases, but not against Covid-19. This word is used to portray us as “anti-vaxxers” who reject every vaccination. The “unvaccinated” were barred from social life for months and still may not work in health facilities. They even include many people who received one or two doses of Covid-19 vaccines, or who received vaccines not authorized by German / EU institutions (such as Sinovac or Sputnik V). Also, according to some, a vaccine by definition is required to make the vaccinee immune to the disease in question, which is the reason why they write “vaccinated” in quotation marks. I am not certain enough to make a judgement on that matter. With my use of quotation marks, I merely want to highlight that I’m referring to the social construct of a class of people with reduced rights and much stigma. The government definitions’ arbitrariness was displayed most obviously when the recognition of natural immunity was halved to 3 months without evidence that natural immunity is inferior to vaccination, which continued to be recognized for 6 months.]

 Instead of facilitating the way out of the pandemic, they [vaccines] paved the way to a climate of discrimination that I would have never imagined possible in Germany.

Some fellow “unvaccinated” speak of “medical apartheid” or even compare our fate to that of Jews in the mid-1930s in Germany. I find it understandable that not being allowed to the swimming pool, the restaurant, or even the public bus recalls different historical examples of blatant discrimination. But I never got tired of pointing out the major difference between the medical discrimination labeled as “2G-Regel” in Germany and historic examples of racial segregation: unlike ethnicity, being vaccinated or not is an alienable trait. It is possible to gain the privilege. All it takes is one or two, no, wait, three little jabs, and off you go.

If anything, the discrimination against the “unvaccinated” is more comparable to discrimination on the ground of political or religious affiliation. These two are alienable traits as well. What those belittling the suffering of the “unvaccinated” with statements such as “it’s just a jab” don’t comprehend is that for those who aren’t vaccinated, it can be much more. Those who got the vaccine before the implementation of any discriminatory laws are generally the ones who genuinely wanted it. Those who gave in to the very first attempts at pressuring, or blackmailing, were probably rather indifferent about the vaccines. But many of those who are still not vaccinated after months of unprecedented discrimination are so convinced of their decision it actually compares well to religious feelings. Actually, some literally refuse to get vaccinated on religious grounds. What is “just a jab” for some, feels like a death sentence or “the mark of the beast” for others. You may find that ridiculous and you are entitled to do so in a free society. But our society is no longer free when people are denied access to public places because of their worldview.

What is “just a jab” for some, feels like a death sentence or “the mark of the beast” for others.

I am not vaccinated against Covid-19. Personally, I am far less concerned about the vaccines than many other “unvaccinated” people I know. I don’t think getting vaccinated would kill me, and to the best of my knowledge, the danger of suffering severe, lasting negative consequences from the vaccine are about as minuscule as the danger of suffering severe, lasting negative consequences from a Covid infection (at least with Delta and without prior immunity; with Omicron the infection has become much more harmless). I don’t like, however, to be forced to take a drug I don’t need.

In early 2021, I was still indifferent about getting vaccinated, because I thought it might help protect others. Meanwhile, it became clear that getting vaccinated reduces the risk of infecting others only for a short time. New side effects were discovered, especially affecting the hearts of young men. I’m not completely sure about my heart health and I only hope that the recurrent chest pain I have been experiencing in the past 2 years is nothing but lockdown-induced anxiety. As I had no health insurance for most of my first year in Sweden, I got used to not seeing a doctor, but I will probably get it checked soon.

…it became clear that getting vaccinated reduces the risk of infecting others only for a short time. New side effects were discovered, especially affecting the hearts of young men.

At some point in 2021, I started to think that instead of protecting others, getting vaccinated would actually harm others: The larger the percentage of the population that got “vaccinated”, the more pressure has been placed on the “unvaccinated.” Epidemiologically, that seems counter-intuitive, and it’s at odds with earlier promises, but politically, it makes a lot of sense. The smaller the group of “unvaccinated” becomes, the less their votes matter and the more you can oppress them. After the horror of the past winter, I no longer feel happy about the vaccines. Yes, they probably helped a lot of fragile people to survive their infections, but their prolonged lives (often in quite poor conditions, as healthy people normally don’t die from Covid) came at the price of normalising shameless discrimination.

If lockdowns weren’t enough to destroy all trust I had in the German political system, last September’s elections did the rest. It was surreal how little discussion there was about Corona measures. There was relatively little debate about what was the dominant political topic of the last 2 years (see my review of election programmes: https://www.reddit.com/r/LockdownSkepticism/comments/pv8z0s/federal_elections_in_germany_a_lockdownskeptic/). The audacity of some candidates was beyond belief.

For instance, I’ve seen an ad of the Greens where they claimed they wanted to “save cultural venues” as if it wasn’t their policies that forced all these places to close for months. I have read the election programs of all major parties, and most didn’t outline their plans regarding Corona at all. I can see that a pandemic is a tricky subject that may require quick interventions against developments that are hard to forecast. But pandemic preparedness plans existed before 2020, and following them would probably have saved us a lot of trouble (there was no recommendation to wear masks, for instance, let alone to mandate them). But even if you grant politicians some flexibility in how they reacted in 2020, by autumn 2021 we already had a lot of knowledge about the virus. The main development that could not be predicted at that point was the emergence of the much less dangerous Omicron variant. One would assume that this would mean the government undoing restrictions, but the opposite was the case.

But pandemic preparedness plans existed before 2020, and following them would probably have saved us a lot of trouble (there was no recommendation to wear masks, for instance, let alone to mandate them).

A topic that was mentioned here and there before the elections was mandatory vaccination. In a debate 2 weeks before the election, all candidates rejected mandatory vaccination, including the later winner Olaf Scholz. Only one month after the elections, Scholz was among the first top-level politicians to call for mandatory vaccination. This, and the lack of backlash beyond the small minority that had already been protesting Covid measures since 2020, destroyed the last bit of trust I had in our democratic system. Apparently, the majority of the populace has no issue with a candidate doing a 180 just a month after the election on a policy potentially ruining the life of a fifth of the population. You can read up what happened after the elections: the crackdown on the “unvaccinated” became worse for months. The vaccine was mandated for staff working in the health sector, because apparently firing nurses and care workers is what saves the health system from collapsing. The proponents of a general vaccine mandate didn’t get their will, but the debate isn’t over yet and has already been traumatizing for many.

Apparently, the majority of the populace has no issue with a candidate doing a 180 just a month after the election on a policy potentially ruining the life of a fifth of the population.

In October, I reunited with some university friends in Germany. I stayed at an AirBnB whose host was very friendly until she noticed I was “unvaccinated” and told me that she wouldn’t have hosted me if she had known. She said that as if it was the most normal thing to say, which it probably was for her. I certainly didn’t feel welcome anymore. She left me a positive review nevertheless, but I didn’t leave her any review as it would have been clearly negative—but what difference would it make? She surely updated her profile afterwards clarifying whom she discriminates against. I had no need to expose her if she does it herself. At the meetup with my former friends, I also felt very irritated at several points. When they suggested to go to a bar afterwards that wouldn’t allow “unvaccinated” people, no one even thought that there could be “unvaccinated” among us. I didn’t come out as “unvaccinated” because I didn’t want to cause trouble. Maybe I’m too polite for the extremist I am.

When I visited my mother for Christmas last year, it was completely absurd what had become of German society, even by post-2020 standards. I walked by jammed bars and restaurants as large parts of the population have apparently given up on social distancing. Yet the “unvaccinated” were banned from accessing all these places. While I regard the first 2 lockdowns as a massive overreaction, they were at least grounded on some true principles. If people don’t meet, they can’t infect each other. It was disproportionate to regard every human interaction solely as a possible infection gateway, and the example of Sweden shows that voluntary social distancing was probably enough to prevent a collapse of hospitals, but all in all, it is true that you can’t infect anyone if you don’t meet anyone.

I walked by jammed bars and restaurants as large parts of the population have apparently given up on social distancing. Yet the “unvaccinated” were banned from accessing all these places.

But in December 2021, the same people that shamed us for leaving our houses, let alone meeting someone, cheered in full bars. The entire narrative changed from “stay home and keep a distance” to “get vaccinated and wear a mask if not seated.” It was heartbreaking to see how almost everyone joined the hate campaign against the “unvaccinated.” I walked around Berlin to look for a single sign on a restaurant that would say something like “dear unvaccinated guests, we are sorry that the current regulations don’t allow us to serve you, but we’re looking forward to having you back soon!” I have not seen a single friendly sign. Instead, every restaurant owner put some entirely uncritical signs out that understandably reminded many of the 1930s despite mentioned differences. At least I found more and more corner shops who wouldn’t kick me out if I entered without a mask. In larger shops, there was still no chance. I added a “smiling is healthy” to my mask’s “end the mask mandate” caption to make it a bit more friendly.

It was heartbreaking to see how almost everyone joined the hate campaign against the “unvaccinated.”

Directly after Christmas, I fell ill. On the first day, I slept for 20 hours and ate nothing, the next day, I slept for maybe 12 hours and ate a little, and after 3 days I felt almost normal again. Naively, I thought it had to be something else than Covid because I didn’t feel any respiratory symptoms. I should have tested myself, because on New Year’s Eve, I planned to visit the rest of my family in Aachen and I had to get tested for the trip. And to my surprise, the test was positive.

END Part III.

-“J.”

[Featured image by Griffin Wooldridge via Pexels]

Here’s part II of my friend J’s memoir of the last 2+ years in Europe. You can find Part I here. (-Yvon.)

Part II: 2020 never ends

Around May, the reopening began. It began gradually, and slowly enough to not be completed before the next closure. Even in summer with almost no cases and no chance of overloaded hospitals, people didn’t drop their masks. At some point between April and June of 2020, the goalposts have moved far without much noise. Extraordinary restrictions to fundamental rights had initially been justified with the threat of a collapsing health system, but somehow everyone around me seemed to have lost track of this goal and began pushing for an eradication of the virus instead. An incidence of 50 new cases per 100,000 people was introduced as the threshold for extraordinary measures, but even below that threshold, masks were enforced. It wasn’t even claimed that breaking this threshold would cause overflowing hospitals; instead, it was said that the public health authorities would not be able to trace infections above this.

The capacities of health authorities are, of course, expandable in theory, but instead of demanding a rapid increase of public health personnel, or questioning the sense of the whole track and trace system, the public willfully gave up their freedoms to “curb the spread.” Even if you just wanted to drink a coffee somewhere waiting for the train, you needed to leave your personal information (I switched between my real name, a believable made-up name, and Santa Claus), and you weren’t allowed to show your face and breathe freely. In fact, mask rules were mostly about not showing your face, because you could use almost anything as long as it covered mouth and nose. If I recall correctly, the evidence condensed in summer 2020 that aerosols play at least as much of a role in transmission as large droplets, but only at some point in late 2020 were medical masks were mandated (still allowing for the blue surgical masks, which are also by far not as effective as the FFP2 masks some states later mandated).

…mask rules were mostly about not showing your face, because you could use almost anything as long as it covered mouth and nose.

There were many other petty rules throughout the summer. Some of my “favorites” were the ban on entering a supermarket without a shopping cart and the ban on consuming food within 50m of the place where you bought it. And yes, it was enforced. One kebab shop owner told me that he had to pay a hefty fine for selling food without a plastic bag because that could inspire people to eat on the pavement right in front of his place and not on the pavement 50m down the road like good citizens. I never imagined the Green Party would support so many laws that would force people to create unnecessary plastic waste. And even at the ice cream shop they told me that customers got shooed away who dared to prevent their ice cream from melting by eating right in front of the shop. Since 2020, masks have become the most common kind of plastic litter in German streets.

One kebab shop owner told me that he had to pay a hefty fine for selling food without a plastic bag because that could inspire people to eat on the pavement right in front of his place and not on the pavement 50m down the road like good citizens.

As I didn’t find a good shared room in this climate of social distancing, I moved into a single-occupancy apartment for the first time in my life, in September. It was a cheap place in one of the mentioned communist apartment blocks –architecture many hate, but I like, at least aesthetically and from the outside. Living there has its downsides, especially the thin walls that make it impossible to listen to good music at the volume it deserves. But I loved the place, and I had a big terrace on the fifth floor with a view over all the other Lego blocks. At that time I thought I might stay there for a while. Mid-October, I turned 30. I was celebrated at work and at home, where I had my best friends over. Beginning with my birthday, I took 2 weeks of vacation.

When I came back, things had changed. There was a mask mandate at workplaces now, so I wasn’t allowed to walk around bare-faced at the place where I spent 8 hours a day. We were allowed not to wear a mask at our own desk, and luckily my co-workers remained half-normal and usually didn’t wear a mask even when they were at someone else’s office. Yet despite some full-mouthed promises in the first days, no one dared to walk down the hallway, past other divisions, or even passing the entrance without a mask. I tried sometimes, but it was no fun being the only one. I didn’t want to be forced to hide my face, but I didn’t want to lose my job either, so I asked to work from home. Given that my job was not extremely demanding anyway, I can’t really say that working from home further decreased my productivity. Yet, I was even a bit more shameless with what I was doing in my paid time than before.

I didn’t want to be forced to hide my face, but I didn’t want to lose my job either, so I asked to work from home.

In the meantime, most German cities introduced outside mask mandates for “busy streets”. In Halle, the mandate comprised the entire city center. This was one of the most obviously disproportionate restrictions of all. I filed a formal complaint because there was no plausible rationale for how this policy was supposed to reduce infections. In most affected streets, at most times, it was perfectly possible to keep a distance from other people. And even where it was unavoidable to pass by someone at short distance, the risk of infection while walking past someone outside is negligible. I also pointed out that the city center is almost empty at nights and the city indeed changed the mask mandate to be applied only at daytime, probably not because of my complaint, but because of court rulings in other cities. I never received a proper answer to my complaint. The only one I received addressed none of my criticism, came several months late, and basically told me that it is not possible to process the complaint anymore because the respective regulation wasn’t in force anymore.

The outside mask mandate was still in force at that time, but just like other municipalities and even states, the city always issued a new regulation every two weeks or so, with slight changes. I found out that it’s harder to fight the regulation this way. Perhaps some decisionmakers actually wanted to stick with the infamous “2 weeks to flatten the curve” (but had no idea what to do next), but in late 2020 the pattern was clear that regulations such as mask mandates would be routinely prolonged at the end of the current regulation’s validity. At that point, the short duration of mask mandate regulations was nothing but a way to make it harder to challenge them.

…just like other municipalities and even states, the city always issued a new regulation every two weeks or so, with slight changes. I found out that it’s harder to fight the regulation this way.

Two days before the outside mask mandate came into force, around 10 percent of people wore a mask in Halle’s busiest shopping street (which isn’t busy at all if you compare it to larger cities such as Berlin or Hamburg). Obviously, the mask mandate was not democratically legitimized, unless by a silent majority of people who just never go out. The vast majority of people who did did not wear a mask until they had to, but then complied immediately. I was among the only people not wearing a mask on the first day of the mandate, and I was stopped by two police who told me to wear it. While talking to them, I noticed that another man was standing close to us, maskless, and he had chatted with the cops before they stopped me. As they insisted so much on me wearing a mask, I pointed out that their friend isn’t wearing one either and they don’t seem to care. The answer was literally: “Yeah, but he’s smoking, he can’t smoke with a mask.” I was furious. I exhale normal air, with a bit less O2 and a bit more CO2 as when I inhaled it, and in the worst case a harmless smell of garlic. But he is allowed to breathe out a long list of toxins that are proven to be harmful to other people’s health. No offense to smokers, I think you should have every right to smoke outside, but it’s absurd that smoking was protected more than breathing. After that day, I didn’t go to the city center again for months, and I was happy that I didn’t have to.

In the fall of 2020, I found the subreddit “Lockdown Skepticism”. It was soothing to discover thousands of others around the world expressing doubts about the ethical justification of lockdowns as much as about their effectiveness. I’ve gotten to know wonderful people there with whom I share similar perspectives. It’s been tiring to live in a parallel universe than everyone around me. Since I’ve discovered the subreddit, my feeling changed from feeling largely isolated to being part of a movement. There had been protests against mandates in Germany, but I never attended one. Almost all established media was in full support of mandates and effectively reiterated the propaganda of pro-mandaters who identified anti-mandaters with conspiracy theorists and far-right extremists. This also resonated with me, perhaps more than it should have. I was aware that only a minority of those protesting against mandates were such extremists, and that in fact the mandates itself are extremist and in violation to what had been widely regarded as constitutional prior to the pandemic. I was also aware that my views would have been regarded as extremist from the mainstream perspective. But even though most of the protesters were just protesting the mandates, most of the organizers really appeared to fight some conspiracy they saw behind the mandates.

It was soothing to discover thousands of others around the world expressing doubts about the ethical justification of lockdowns as much as about their effectiveness.

I was thinking about going to a large protest in Leipzig in November 2020 but I didn’t after checking the organizers’ website and mostly finding material that didn’t appear very well-grounded in science to me, material more of a conspiratorial nature. It is a shame that no more nuanced movement emerged against lockdown measures in Germany. It puts me to shame personally, as I don’t think I have done enough to network with others to organize such a movement. With hindsight, I should probably have joined the protest in Leipzig as I have no less in common with those organizing the protests than with those they were protesting against. Reports on the protests of course focused more on a group of hooligans chasing the police than on the tens of thousands protesting peacefully.

Somehow, I naively assumed that things would improve after the first lockdown. In the summer of 2020, I sometimes worried that another lockdown could come, but I never thought that it would be worse than the first one. In late summer, I tried to join a football club, but after two training sessions, they had to change to training with 2m distance, and I lost motivation. It was one of many small changes that ultimately led to lockdown no. 2. Unlike the first one, it’s hard to say when the second began and ended. It came creeping as a never-ending slow escalation of restrictions (“tighten the thumbscrews” as Bavaria’s head of state Markus Söder called it), and it ended with a ridiculously slow de-escalation of restrictions.

It was in late 2020 when I realized that there was no sense for me to stay in Germany. It was hard to find a happy face in Halle. It didn’t look like the smiles were hidden behind the masks anymore, it felt more like a collective depression. Everyone was sick of it, yet everyone played along.  I have been depressed most of my life, so I can’t blame my mental health on lockdowns and mask mandates, but I can say for certain that it didn’t improve under these conditions. But knowing that I wasn’t to blame this time actually made me angrier than ever. Rage, anger, frustration, and anxiety replaced my depression. Instead of waking up with an empty outlook and without energy, I sometimes woke up with a racing heart. After the hospitals did not collapse in the first wave, our governments had plenty of time to prepare for the second wave, but instead of effectively doing so, they forced people to cover their face on the streets with no evidence whatsoever that this is where people get infected.

Rage, anger, frustration, and anxiety replaced my depression.

In December, I sent an e-mail to my head of state with the admittedly click-baity title “urgent request of a depressed person”, trying to raise awareness, once again, that the mentally unwell are no less an at-risk group than the physically unwell.

It didn’t look like the smiles were hidden behind the masks anymore, it felt more like a collective depression. Everyone was sick of it, yet everyone played along.

The logical place to go for someone who values his right to walk and to breathe was Sweden. Before, I never travelled to any Nordic country (unless Latvia and Scotland count based on their latitude). I thought it was cold and expensive, so Sweden never attracted me. But thanks to their relatively liberal Corona policies, Sweden had become my destination of choice. I took the ferry from Rostock to Trelleborg, still forced to hide my face and breathe through plastic, and then took the train to Malmö, maskless! That was already an experience in itself. When I walked around Malmö the next day, I saw so many smiling people, enjoying their lives in half-full cafes or just doing their shopping with naked faces like it was the normal thing that it actually is. Seeing so many happy faces brought tears of joy to my eyes, and I was certain that I would move to Sweden. Even the seagull who dropped her feces on my jacket couldn’t change my mind. While in Germany, traveling was banned. But I stayed in a hostel in Malmö where I got to talk to interesting people and a Swedish lady offered me food. So much humanity I hadn’t seen in months! My next stop was Stockholm, where I stayed in a dorm room with 11 others.

Seeing so many happy faces brought tears of joy to my eyes, and I was certain that I would move to Sweden. Even the seagull who dropped her feces on my jacket couldn’t change my mind.

After the first night, I had a sudden realization that I was breaking all the recommendations the Swedish government issued. As I was a guest in their country, and very grateful that I was even allowed to be there, I decided to isolate myself. I changed to a single room, stopped talking much to others in the hostel, and wore a mask in the crowded kitchen. I know I put some others off, as most guests were escaping their countries’ lockdowns like I was, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. I feel it might have been a bit rude towards some other guests I talked with in the first days, but I just didn’t want to ask for too much. My expectations of life had already been quite low at that point. I was okay with social distancing as long as I was free to move around not wearing a mask. I celebrated New Year’s eve alone, but in a crowd of people on a hill with a view over Stockholm. I’m sure there were fewer people on the streets than in earlier years, but to me it felt completely normal. The internet was full of memes about 2020 finally coming to an end, and apparently, many people indeed felt like a change of date would end their self-inflicted misery. I had no such hopes for the world, but I felt some for my personal future in Sweden.

END Part II.

-“J.”

[Featured image by Griffin Wooldridge via Pexels]

The beginning of a new academic year after a long time on sabbatical has been very, very busy. At last, I’m pleased to bring a four-part memoir of the COVID years to this blog. My friend J has written a moving and nuanced tale of how the pandemic and response thereto upturned his entire life in Europe. (-Yvon.)

Introduction

It’s the end of April in Gothenburg, and the spring shows its whole beauty. The trees are flowering with their branches gently shaking in the constant breeze from the sea. The birds are chirping and I can see the magpie flying back and forth with small branches to prop up the nest. The birds’ instincts tell them very clearly what they need to do to build a better future for themselves and their offspring. Humans like to believe that we are unique in our capability to plan ahead, but I hardly ever feel as dedicated as this magpie.

Two years ago, in Germany where I grew up, I didn’t have any clear vision of where I would be now. But in a global ranking, Sweden would not have made it even to the top 50% of countries where I’d imagine myself living. I never had any bad feelings about Sweden, in fact, I had none at all. It looked like a nice place, but one of the coldest and most expensive of all the many nice places in the world. When I thought I might move to another country, I thought I would follow an interesting job, perhaps work on some of the world’s most pressing issues such as hunger, or perhaps just save money by working remotely for a German salary in a much cheaper country. I never imagined I would leave Germany because I did not feel free anymore. I never imagined I would leave because I felt trapped in a society where the government decides whether I am allowed to leave my house and whether or not I had to cover my face when doing so. I thought we had guaranteed human rights in Germany, and while our government cooperated a bit too closely with other governments where people (women, to be exact) are forced to cover their face, I never thought such policies would ever gain traction domestically, let alone take hold in a matter of weeks.

I never imagined I would leave because I felt trapped in a society where the government decides whether I am allowed to leave my house and whether or not I had to cover my face when doing so.

This is my Covid story and no one else’s. It’s not necessarily representative for any group I might belong to. It’s also not exceptional or sensational, as there are hundreds of millions of people who were affected by lockdowns in much more dramatic ways than I was. This is nothing but a personal account from someone who has spent a lot of time reflecting on the social changes of the past 2.5 years. So instead of “Covid story” I should rather say: This is my lockdown story. The virus itself has not affected me any more than other viruses have in the past. The change to my life stemming from the emergence of a new virus would have been too little to be felt if it wasn’t for the subsequent collapse of free society.

I will try to tell my lockdown story chronologically and try not to leave out anything that I see as important for my personal development or for how I feel and think about the past two years. Keeping this concise inevitably forces me to carve out a streamlined version of who I am. You probably don’t know me, and I can only give you some information about my background that I suspect to be relevant, but if I asked my parents or my friends to portray me, they might highlight entirely different aspects.

Part I: The first lockdown

I don’t recall when I first heard of SARS-Cov-2. That’s because it was just some news among many others at that time. A new virus? I hadn’t followed the news on the Avian Flu or the Swine Flu very closely, but my knowledge was just enough to know that viruses emerge all the time. Many people dying in China? Well, people die all over the world. If there is a serious epidemic going on in China, that’s sad, but if I had the emotional capacity to care about an epidemic in China, I’d probably be crying all day for what’s happening in Yemen or Ethiopia. It’s far away, it sucks, but it didn’t affect me personally. Let’s send thoughts and prayers and carry on with our lives as usual.

What was on my mind in the first weeks of 2020 was that I just moved to another city. I happen to move a lot, once a year on average in the past 12 years. In the past, that was almost never because I felt inclined to leave the place I stayed at, but the more I move, the smaller becomes the step to move again. I would apply for jobs everywhere because I am not rooted anywhere.

In early 2020, I moved to Halle (Saale), a town of around 250,000 people, close to Leipzig, in Eastern Germany. Halle is a university town with a historic city center whose most famous son was the composer Händel. It still attracts studens, not only with its university, but also with relatively cheap rents. Halle was also in the center of the “Chemiedreieck”, the center of East Germany‘s large chemical industry. It has some of the largest agglomerations of socialist apartment blocks that used to house the workers in the chemical industry. Many of their biographies were broken by the “Wende,” which is what they call the reunification in the East. It literally translates to “turnaround.” The river Saale flows through the city and doesn’t only invite passerby to sit at its benches, but is also safe to take a dip in the summer.

I moved to Halle because I accepted a job offer from the Statistical Office of the State of Saxony-Anhalt. It wasn’t my dream job, but I thought that I would at least do no harm working in Statistics. I have a Master’s in Development Economics and worked in development cooperation for 1.5 years but quit my office job over a traumatizing break-up that wouldn’t let me focus on my work. Afterwards, I worked as a volunteer on an ecological farm for a year and wrote dozens of applications from there. The Statistical Office in Halle were the first ones to accept me. I had another option to do field research in Nepal, which would have been interesting, too, but it was only for a couple of months, and the friend who offered me the job discouraged me to take it, so I didn’t. I also still had an open application for a position in Indonesia when I started in Halle, but ended up their second choice (with hindsight, I’m happy about that).

For the first weeks at the Statistical Office, I was working with an outgoing and humourous lady in her mid-forties. We talked a lot during the days. The only thing I found mildly annoying was that she would listen to the radio all day. I love listening to music, but I don’t love listening to “Blinded by the Light” once an hour, interrupted by ads for local car dealers and hourly news. Normally, news just don’t change enough from one hour to the next, but in March 2020, there were days were I waited impatiently for the next news update because it might turn my life upside down. I remember very well listening to news about the dramatic situation in parts of Northern Italy in February 2020 and saying to my co-worker: “I’m really curious how Italy will handle this! They are a liberal democracy after all, they can’t do the same as China.” How wrong I was!

“…They are a liberal democracy after all, they can’t do the same as China.” How wrong I was!

The other early memory I have of discussing lockdowns was from shortly after Italy locked down at least parts of the country. I visited my best friend in Braunschweig and we had a beer in a pub, not knowing that pubs would soon close for months to come and then reopen under absurd restrictions (leave your contact details and wear a mask when standing up, but not while seated). At that time, the threat of lockdowns was very real in Germany, given that another EU country had already forced their citizens to stay home. But it was still a rather abstract threat, and I remember that few others seemed to worry. If anything, people worried about the virus. And I probably would have worried, too, if I weren’t young and healthy. Or if I hadn’t looked up the statistics from Northern Italy and saw that the median age of Covid deaths was over 80 at the time. This was enough for me to conclude that my personal risk to go out and meet people had not changed in any substantial way and that I probably take more risk by riding my bike without a helmet. I never worried about influenza, and the fact that Covid appeared to be much more deadly to elderly people wasn’t much of a personal concern to me. But I followed the recommendations as long as they seemed like reasonable demands. I washed my hands much more often and more thoroughly than ever before. I was willing to isolate myself when feeling sick.

And I probably would have worried, too, if I weren’t young and healthy. Or if I hadn’t looked up the statistics from Northern Italy and saw that the median age of Covid deaths was over 80 at the time.

Actually, I had been as sick as I hadn‘t been for years, just some months before, in October 2019. My main symptoms were coughing and fever, but back then, the doctor just told me it was a viral infection and I should rest, so I will never know whether I was patient zero in Germany. Jokes aside, in October 2019, I was invited to a job interview. As my request to postpone it was denied, I went to the pharmacy (without a mask, obviously) and asked for something that would make a sick man feel healthy enough to survive an 8-hour bus ride and a job interview. Without any sign of fear, the pharmacist sold me some Aspirin Plus C forte and wished me good luck. 5 months later, such behaviour became unimaginable, and at that time, I really thought, the coronavirus might have caused a reasonable correction of societal norms: wash your hands, cough in your elbow (honestly, why had I never thought of this?) and stay home WHEN you are sick. The trouble began when that important final condition was dropped.

The more the virus spread, the more I started to keep some distance towards older people, mostly out of respect for their fear. What really worried me, however, was the potential impact of restrictions on those who already struggled to make ends meet. At that point, I wasn’t even thinking of something as ludicrous as strict lockdowns in African cities, where the majority of the population is informally employed and depends on their daily income. That was still far beyond my imagination. But just the trickle-down effect of China and Italy locking down, disrupting supply chains all over the world, already made me feel anxious about the world’s poorest. I told my friend at the pub that I was afraid the cure would be worse than the disease. He was optimistic it wouldn’t be.

What really worried me, however, was the potential impact of restrictions on those who already struggled to make ends meet.

In mid-March 2020, public opinion in Germany changed more drastically than ever before in such a short time. I don’t mean that public opinion didn’t shift dramatically throughout history. But it took decades for people to start and end burning “witches.” The Nazis existed for 12 years before they became the strongest party. There have been almost 50 years between decriminalizing homosexuality among adults and legalising gay marriage. Yet the idea that the government should have complete control over people’s movements changed from being too extremist even for the most authoritarian-minded to being the mainstream consensus in less than a month. The public debate literally changed from open-ended discussions about football stadiums running at full capacity to open-ended discussions about putting the whole population under house arrest within one week! On 10 March, Red Bull Leipzig welcomed Tottenham Hotspurs in front of over 40,000 fans. Six days later, it was announced that a long list of places would be closed that the public suddenly decided to be “non-essential”. Another six days later, federal and state governments announced that we were only allowed to be in public with one other person and some states set further conditions on presence in public space.

I still struggle to make sense of March 2020, but I think it was a true occurrence of social panic, accelerated by propaganda and by the hyperarousal of social media. While I’ve seen more and more people around me supporting Chinese CCP-style policies, I was at least as distressed as those fearing the virus. I stayed up at night to try my best to push back, but it didn’t help that I retreated from social media after my break-up. Probably it wouldn’t have helped either to be on there, but who knows whether some of my hundreds of former Facebook friends could have helped my comments to go viral? The day the closure of all “non-essential” businesses was announced, I sent an e-mail to some friends and to the Left Party whose (not very active) member I still was at that time. I titled it “An appeal to the forgotten” and pointed out that there are not only medical risk groups who are at danger from the novel virus, but also groups who are at risk to suffer disproportionately from restrictions, namely economically and psychologically. I redacted the text the next day and transformed it into a petition, directed purely against stay-at-home orders (https://www.change.org/p/bundesregierung-gegen-ausgangssperren-grundrechte-sch%C3%BCtzen).

I still struggle to make sense of March 2020, but I think it was a true occurrence of social panic, accelerated by propaganda and by the hyperarousal of social media.

I was critical of other restrictions, but it was already too late to prevent these. No other measure could have hurt me more, and I could just assume that there were other people who felt the same. Many of my co-workers, including the one I shared my office with, were very critical of lockdowns from the beginning, but no one ended up signing my petition. At that time, the social pressure to go along with the totalitarian policies was already strong and I assume that some who would agree to my points didn’t dare to put their names on a petition out of fear of being labeled a conspiracy theorist. I am nevertheless happy to have received 176 signatures although that was certainly not enough to make any real difference. I am happy I could reach out to some people who would feel better by knowing that they are not alone in their opposition.

On 22 March, Angela Merkel announced the first lockdown. Desperate for some positive message, I later declared my petition a success, because Germany didn’t implement Italian style stay-at-home orders. That was a bit premature, however, as some municipalities did in fact ban people from leaving their house. I happened to live in one of the federal states that implemented a stay-at-home order on paper, but allowed people to leave the house for recreation alone or with one other person. Even though I technically needed an excuse to leave my house (and my employer already handed out some papers we could show to the police), I wasn’t arrested like my friends in Spain, for instance (who also didn’t feel like I did against lockdowns, because they agreed to their arrest). In my state, there had been reports of people being fined for sitting in the park, because it was only allowed to take a walk, but not to sit down in public places, but nothing like that happened to me. Nonetheless, the streets were empty, and it was a strange atmosphere.

Being at work felt relatively normal, but especially at night, the city was deserted. I rode my bike on the wrong side of usually busy streets just because I could – there were virtually no cars. But while the emptiness of lockdown was certainly an interesting experience, I could never join in the cheering of the lockdown supporters who shared videos of dolphins taking back Venice. I knew too well how many people suffered, both from social and economic deprivation–in simpler words: from loneliness and poverty. While I could spend time arguing with people on Jodel (an semi-anonymous social media app) who called me a granny killer for daring to take a walk, there were many who didn’t know how they were supposed to pay their rent. All the bars and restaurants were closed and that is one of the sectors with the highest share of unofficial and precarious employment. My mum had two kitchen jobs before lockdown and lost both (temporarily in the first lockdown, indefinitely in the second).

When I walked down the shopping streets I didn’t think of the saleswomen who would receive money from the government for staying home, but I did think of the women of Bangladesh who made the clothes that were not sold. It’s hard to imagine that they will enjoy being sent home. At the end of March and beginning of April, one country after the other locked down, including places like India or Nigeria, where most people live from daily, informal income. I was overwhelmed by sadness about all the additional starving children these policies likely caused, and I honestly hadn’t much empathy left for the 80-somethings in rich countries whose lives lockdowns might save (with hindsight, they didn’t even do that).

I was overwhelmed by sadness about all the additional starving children these policies likely caused, and I honestly hadn’t much empathy left for the 80-somethings in rich countries whose lives lockdowns might save (with hindsight, they didn’t even do that).

At the end of April 2020, mask mandates were introduced in shops and public transport. While I have always been against mandates, I thought it made sense to wear one at that time. I was naive enough to believe the official statements that a little piece of cotton before my mouth and nose would protect others from getting infected even though I was perfectly healthy. It was before self-tests were available and wide-spread. I always thought it’s wrong to assume everyone is sick until proven healthy, but I was stupid enough to believe that the measure was temporary and would be taken back if it showed no real improvement. Unfortunately, mask mandates were introduced at a time when infections went down rapidly anyway, and as many people seem to have trouble telling apart causation and correlation, the mandaters had an easy time conveying the message that mask mandates made a big difference. At that time, I had no clue about airborne diseases and I wore a mask where I couldn’t keep 1,5m distance to others even where it wasn’t mandated. I didn’t understand why I was forced to wear one in an empty train, for instance, but would then wear it voluntarily in the station if it was crowded.

I was stupid enough to believe that the measure was temporary and would be taken back if it showed no real improvement.

While I was completely at odds with the social mainstream from the very beginning, I still grasped for every straw to socialize. When Fridays For Future organized climate action protests, I gleefully attended, because I was happy that at least someone made the point that there are other problems in the world aside from Covid. I feel a bit ashamed now for having been part of protests wearing a mask, even helping with collecting protestors’ names and phone numbers, but at that time I thought it was the best thing to do. As a side anecdote, it was also during the first lockdown that I last got a vaccine. The empty streets and lack of other things to do inspired me to explore an abandoned house nearby, where I stepped into a rusty nail. Because it happened on a Saturday night, I went to ER the next morning and got a tetanus shot. I asked the nurse whether they were busy, and she said it was much quieter than usual because people avoided going to the hospitals, believing they were overwhelmed. It was the time when people clapped and sung for the overwhelmed hospital workers. It was the time when the German health minister felt obliged to remind people that they should not just ignore symptoms of a heart attack, but still go to the hospital or call an ambulance.

After my petition, I didn’t actively look for allies anymore. I was lucky that my closest family and at least one of my closest friends continued to keep up some consideration for human freedom as basic for human dignity. That’s how I put it; they would say it differently. But when I hear my grandparents speak of the freedom of a Christian, I can relate despite not feeling religious. All of my family is much more spiritual than I am one way or another. I stand out with my materialistic worldview, shaped more by modern science than by transcended wisdom. But I notice all the time how people with superficially very different worldviews all derive their lockdown skepticism from long-held values. Lockdowns are in such a sharp contrast to every human society before 2020 that they weren’t a part of any political or religious agenda. Maybe there is no difference between political camps, but only between whether a person’s values are stronger than their fears. Between April and July 2020, more than half of adult Germans expected the risk to suffer a life-threatening Covid-19 infection to be over 20 %. Life must feel very different if you are that scared.

But I notice all the time how people with superficially very different worldviews all derive their lockdown skepticism from long-held values.

As mentioned, my worldview is shaped a lot by modern science. I’m referring to science as a systematic approach of approaching the truth. I’m a big fan of analyzing data and falsifying hypotheses. So it struck a chord when a friend sent me an e-mail titled “Reading Corona News all the time? Do it for research!” I participated as a research assistant with the task of keeping track of policy changes in Honduras and later in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein. Initially, I meant to use CoronaNet data to write a short report about stay-at-home orders in different countries. Sadly, I found out that despite the enormous efforts of hundreds of volunteers, the dataset was still very incomplete at that time (late 2020). As I figured it would take enormous effort to complete the data and even then, the categorization of stay-at-home orders was not very specific at that time, I decided to start my own policy tracker. But I will come back to that.

END Part I.

-“J.”

[Featured image by Griffin Wooldridge via Pexels]

Just a few days ago, getting off the metro [in Milan] and walking towards my friend’s apartment for a small gathering, I saw one person sneezing. He was at least 20 steps away. I did not think much. Yet, a woman who was walking almost right next to me saw that. She threw her hands in the air, looking back at me and complaining to me that it was people like him that spread covid in the air. I remember her expression of things “in the air” because she then made an exaggerated gesture of things floating in the air. I looked at the man who just sneezed, who was looking at us as if he did something bad. Yes, in 2022, at least to some people, sneezing 20 steps away has become an unacceptable thing to do in public. I do not know why he sneezed. It is not my business that he sneezed. Everyone sneezes.

…in 2022, at least to some people, sneezing 20 steps away has become an unacceptable thing to do in public.

A couple of days before that, when a ticket control officer on the train asked a man to put his mask on, a vehement argument immediately ensued. The content of their argument certainly requires no explanation. I am sympathetic to the ticket officer because he was doing what he was told. Per Italian law, masks are mandatory in public transport. Even if one does not want to put in on, one should at least have the decency to avoid an argument by putting it on. I could care less if that person takes his mask off when the ticket officer leaves. Arguing with the ticket officer about it, however, is not right. It solves nothing. The unmasked man was not some kind of liberty fighter. He was simply asking for an argument to express his discontent.

The reason that I tell these two stories and describe my reactions is to show that I am not some kind of anti-vax or anti-mask “liberty warrior.” Many people tend to quickly and hastily relegate any doubt on the authorities’ covid measures, such as the mask mandate, stay-home order and whatnot, as a symptom of ignorance, stupidity and dog whistling. When one is crowned with the appellation of “anti-vaxxer,” “QAnon” or “far-right,” etc., what one says ceases to matter, at least in my circle of friends and acquaintances. What I see, however, is how issues pertaining to public health has become so divisive that some basic social interactions descend into invective due to trivial things.

When one is crowned with the appellation of “anti-vaxxer,” “QAnon” or “far-right,” etc., what one says ceases to matter, at least in my circle of friends and acquaintances

In the cloisters of the academy, we read primary sources from the Black Death. It is evident that physicians and politicians back then tried a lot to stop the pestilence, but a lot was of no avail. The physicians and politicians of our own days are also doing the same thing, trying their best, with the knowledge and information they have, to stop the propagation. The aim is probably benevolent, but some methods are not. We now dismiss the Galenic medicine in the 14th century as pseudo-science. But what about our own science? Since when did science become scripturally infallible? Isn’t the point of science to have doubts and to come up with research, rather than dismissing any doubt as “anti-vax?” On the other hand, in countries where voting actually matters, to garner public support is crucial for the politicians’ endeavors. Naturally, covid, the thing before the Russian invasion of Ukraine, has become a deeply politicized issue that politicians on both sides of the rostra simply use it to gain cheap votes.

Since when did science become scripturally infallible?

In the winter of 2019-2020, I was in Lyon. I remember watching the news with my own eyes where doctors of great credentials say wearing masks does not stop covid. Therefore, the official narrative back then was wearing masks was fear mongering and schizophrenia. In a little over 2 months, right after I left the country, they changed the narratives, saying that not wearing masks was irresponsible because it could put others in danger. It should not come as a surprise that the French are some of the most vehemently anti-mask people in Europe. If the government is fickle and shames you either way, it is not surprising that people stop trusting the government.

I do not blame the “experts” in the French media because they are, just like their ancestors during the Black Death, trying to figure out a way to stop it with whatever they have. But I do blame the effects their science has. Truth is the first casualty of war. It is cliche but when they try to stop the virus by all means, sometimes the truth becomes the casualty. So many measures taken by the governments from all over the world are frankly ridiculous, just like the recent undertaking of the big brother in the orient. They, or us, so docile a people, started protesting in some major cities. That might say something. Yet, the big brother has invested so much political capital to demonstrate the superiority of their regime and political philosophy. Backing out has long been out of the question. The only thing they can do now is to double down. If people cannot even leave the country, people will not be able to get covid, right?

…when they try to stop the virus by all means, sometimes the truth becomes the casualty.

“-A.”

[Featured image by “A”.]

Please note: this post discusses suicidal ideation.

Volcanically, the elements of an public health emergency unseen in my lifetime built up slowly through the first few months of 2020, only to erupt spectacularly in March of that year, as we all know. What was once unthinkable now seems inexorable, and the unthinkable’s influence now pervades the lives of every person on the planet. Rarely are we all so experientially united; my story is in all probability, simultaneously unique and ubiquitous.

…my story is in all probability, simultaneously unique and ubiquitous.

In March 2020, mere weeks after my 24th birthday, and mere months after I finished my undergraduate program, my entire world was suddenly flipped upside down. My social life, romantic/sexual life, and career (in education at the time) were all extinguished in what felt like the blink of an eye. Very quickly, my days began to consist of what was, for all intents and purposes, nothing — and with no end in sight. A void of life is what I existed in, with my only means of time occupation being books, TV, movies, video games, and my pets. Fear and doubt predominated and preponderated in this newfound era, leaving me utterly without.

Quite quickly, I descended into a deep, debilitating depression, complemented by a severe alcoholism. Never before had my life felt so directionless, so bereft of purpose and activity. Moreover, because there exists so much societal pressure impelling us twenty-somethings to begin forming the rudiments of our proper “adulting” apparatuses, this sudden pause fundamentally undercut any sense of progress I had about my transition into proper adulthood, stopping me dead in my tracks.

…this sudden pause fundamentally undercut any sense of progress I had about my transition into proper adulthood, stopping me dead in my tracks.

Education was to be my chosen industry for my career, but the question of its continued viability was omnipresent. In these early days of profound uncertainty with COVID, nothing was clear. How long would schools be closed? Would they ever re-open, and what form would that take if they did? Would remote learning become a permanent fixture of education going forward? What would this all mean for my nascent career? Would I need to relinquish my career dreams and transition towards a new industry? Would I need to get a new, different degree and enter into even more debt from student loans? For that matter, what guarantee would I have that I’d be able to pay off my existing debt once they become due again? How many years of critical money-saving will I lose because of this, and how will that lost period impact me years down the road? I had no answers. I was lost, totally inert in an abyssopelagic sea.

Into this highly combustible mixture of emotions then came shame and guilt, both of which I’m particularly susceptible to, for reasons involving my childhood upbringing and mental health challenges. At the height of the pandemic, there was a sense ingrained forcefully into all of us by the omnipotent specter of culture: essentiality. In other words, that you must be doing something societally essential in order to justify breaching harsh self-isolation, and to do otherwise is reckless and shameful to the Nth degree. I internalized this feeling so thoroughly that I essentially stopped my job search, being truly convinced that I would be personally contributing to the deaths of grandmothers around the world if I dared try to find a non-essential job. Inchoate as that sounds, I cannot stress enough how warped and unrecognizable (now) my state of mind was at this time, and I almost felt a moral duty to not find a job so as to stave off more deaths. But of course, the end result of this was further deterioration of my mental health and self-esteem, as happens with prolonged periods of unemployment, pandemic notwithstanding. Thus the inertia continued unobstructed.

I essentially stopped my job search, being truly convinced that I would be personally contributing to the deaths of grandmothers around the world if I dared try to find a non-essential job.

What this prolonged inertia struck at most potently was my sense of identity, which is itself inextricably linked to ideations of self-worth and self-esteem. Both of those indices fell precipitously in my case during this period of utter immobilization. After all, I felt as though my life had become genuinely nullified, its premises and foundations and purpose vitiated to the point of expiration. As a result, the prospect of suicide lost its malodorousness and gained significant allure, I’m no longer ashamed to admit. Did I think about it often, and in detail, during this lockdown period? Absolutely I did, and I will not be shamed or guilt-tripped out of that reality. The truth and the immanence of my emotional state during this time cannot be denied, and I won’t try to deny it.

Beyond those overarching emotional themes, truth be told, I have difficulty plotting out the true emotional toll this period took on me, because it represents an acute trauma that my mind has to some degree repressed — perhaps for the better. Luckily, we’re all always more resilient than we suppose ourselves to be. After the vaccines became widely available and the all-encompassing sense of crisis abated, I, for one, bounced back emotionally. It was as if the lights came on again, one by one, gradually lighting the way forward again.

I have difficulty plotting out the true emotional toll this period took on me, because it represents an acute trauma that my mind has to some degree repressed

I’ve only just recently begun more concrete reconstruction of my life beyond my mental state — reconnecting with friends and significant others, receiving more job opportunities, traveling again, and otherwise refilling my pre-pandemic shoes. Some semblance of normalcy has indeed returned. That’s not to say, however, that post-acute damage doesn’t linger. Now that the depression and despair have gone, what remains are the shame and the guilt. I could barely bring myself to write, let alone promulgate this humble anecdote, for fear that I’d be selfishly misprioritizing my own experience at the exclusion of so many others that suffered in different, often more severe ways during this ordeal. Yet, I fear that our response has completely sidelined my demographic, and in the midst of the attention (rightfully) being placed on the elderly and children, there is an unfortunate and needless erasure of our tribulation. Because of that, I have trepidation in even forming an opinion or having the audacity to complain at all; I’ve internalized this olympics-of-suffering dynamic to the point that I’m almost in denial about my own inner turmoil, repressing it deeper and deeper as time goes on. Until today.

I have trepidation in even forming an opinion or having the audacity to complain at all…

While the asymmetries and idiosyncrasies of my emotional recovery likely remain evident in the jagged contours and imprecise musings of this anecdote, I’m nearer to normalcy than I ever have been. That being said, it will still years to fully assess and come to peace with the toll exacted on my mental health by the lockdowns we thrust ourselves into. Neither ostentation nor pity are my goals here. I don’t want or expect anything beyond a listening ear and an open mind, should we again face a crisis of this sort. We can and must do better.

-“Jamie.”

[Featured image by Korhan Erdol via Pexels]

I was incredibly moved by a short rap video I watched a few days ago (h/t @ByronWan on Twitter) by the young Shanghai-based rapper Astro (方略). I’ve created an English subtitled version (based on a re-upload by YT user SP Roger) with English subtitles, which you can find below. My translation of the lyrics (apologies to Astro that they’re far inferior in poetry and power to his) follow.

[when power confines freedom, thought and will

when the green channel is padlocked off limits

wearing the uniform but the mind’s on future promotions

when they view life and dignity like shit and dirt] x2

when the healthy get locked at home like the ill

when the truly ill aren’t allowed inside the hospital

when obeying orders becomes an excuse to hurt others

when they’ve turned into zombies, stripped of their souls

holding life in contempt, their faces are so steady

in the blink of an eye they forgot they’re also just nobodies

[their crowing confidence]x2

you didn’t get COVID so you don’t fucking count as sick

the so called humane society doing inhumane shit

facing desperate people their eyes are full of thorns

their hearts are too narrow to fit those big words they’ve sworn

their hands are too dirty and give off the smell of blood

shit, what a fucking stink

in this air I smell the rot of their souls

calling themselves “higher animals” but crueler than any animal

maybe scarier than the virus are people eating people

[orders from above are weightier than heaven

everyone else stand aside

apart from this bit of power in their hands

they pretend to see no other rights] x2

that’s right, in this brand new era

housing prices soaring and bottom lines shrinking

that’s right, in this prosperous era

survival of the fittest is the rule, humanity’s long since extinct

open your eyes, open your eyes

why does this vicious cycle keep repeating itself?

open your eyes, open your eyes

so many hiding among us aren’t fit to call themselves human

open your mind, open your mind

those dazzling skyscrapers hiding so much evil and suffering

open your mind, open your mind

who’ll fill the wounds left by the wheels grinding onward?

[when power confines freedom, thought and will

when the green channel is padlocked off limits

wearing the uniform but the mind’s on future promotions

when they view life and dignity like shit and dirt] x2

[Speaking:] You know, fuck the virus, fuck the government, fuck the police, fuck everybody who doesn’t care about this shit, and fuck everybody who still think that government policy is still correct. All right? Fuck you, fuck the world.

Unsurprisingly, Astro was pressured to remove the video. But what is more, he has uploaded (as of April 16) a still screen of text onto his Youtube channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN5NFYys7p0) under the name “A Clarification” 一個說明. The text is as follows [words originally appearing in English are italicized]:

Hi everyone, I’m 方略 Astro.

During this time, “New Slave” has gotten a bit of attention in various places. Thank you to all for your views and comments. I’m truly stunned and overwhelmed. My goal in writing this song was to have everyone come together to rethink how we should approach problems and solve them. But my original intention was absolutely not to make baseless critiques and divisions. I have always deeply loved my country and the people of this part of the world and firmly believed in the fundamental necessity of its its unity and stability. My intent in writing this song was because I felt deep sadness when I saw the loss of life and my own helplessness. It all came from my love for all of this.

I want to make clear that, apart from various domestic platforms, the only content I put out is on my Youtube channel. Content on other social media or shared elsewhere and their associated opinions are not from me. Currently, I have seen a few platforms sharing [the song] on my friends’ accounts, and voices that go against my intent have appeared. That’s why I’ve voluntarily shut down my Youtube in the hopes of cooling things off at the source temporarily. I also hope that everyone can discourse rationally.

Finally, I still don’t dare call myself a rapper. I’m just a fan. My attention to life, reflections, and creation will continue. I thank everyone for your critiques and hope this difficult time will soon pass. I wish peace for everyone. peace and love.

Thank you to all who read, commented, and/or shared my previous post of translations about four of the unknown number of Shanghai residents who lost their lives in pain and indignity due to denied or delayed medical care under draconian “Zero Covid” rules. There are many more of these stories, and I have drafted another post about these heartbreaking deaths.

But agonizing deaths and the loss of beloved family and friends are not the only form of inhumane treatment that ordinary folks in the People’s Republic of China have suffered. Here, I am presenting the voices of some “netizens” (social media users) in the cities of Xi’an, Changchun, Shenzhen, and Guangzhou—with populations in 2020 of about 13, 9, 17.5, and 18 million people, respectively, or 57.5 million in total.

Xi’an underwent a city lockdown from December 22, 2021 to January 24, 2022, and has announced a “temporary, partial” lockdown of restaurants, schools, entertainment, and other movement again as of April 15. Changchun, capital of northeastern Jilin province, as well as Jilin, another major city, together locked down up to a total 13.5 million of their residents in the frigid days of mid-March--and the closures continue now, with residents complaining of food shortages and crops under threat.

Shenzhen, a key trade and tech hub directly north of Hong Kong, had a partial “lifting” of a weeklong lockdown in mid-March, but people are supposed to show a negative COVID test from the last 72 hours, students are just returning to school as of mid-April, and people are expected to quarantine for 7 to 21 days upon return from many domestic locales—coming back from Hong Kong (a short train ride), for example, people are supposed to stay at a centralized quarantine hotel for 14 days and then self-isolate for 7 more days at home. Guangzhou, a major financial hub and capital of the economic powerhouse province of Guangdong, has been testing every resident, closed its primary and middle schools, partly cut access to some residential compounds, and restricted people’s ability to leave town.

Here are what a few of these many millions of people talked about and created online in protest of their situations, going back to earlier lockdowns this year. Please remember that sociopolitical critique can lead to severe legal consequences within this country, and that social media fora like Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram are all banned. Protests in the face of lockdown indignities can result in being arrested (see the final story in the Changchun section.) These are ordinary people experiencing extraordinary pressure and expressing it where they can.

In Anglophone society, I have too often heard others claiming that Chinese speakers are somehow inherently “conformist,” “collectivist,” or unable to critique the world around them. This is very far from reality and, even when “collectivism” is spoken of as a positive trait, such statements ring hollow. Human needs for socialization, basic sustenance, and dignity are universal.

In the next installment of this series of translations from the PRC, I will present a few accounts from smaller cities—cities obscure to many within the PRC and likely totally unknown to those outside the country. As one post from such a city in Jiangxi province exclaimed, “we’re not as glamorous and urban in our image like Shanghai, and we’ve never become a trending topic. But the lives of Dongxing people are lives, too, and the people of Dongxing also want to live their lives.”

Xi’an

Weibo user “Ai paobu de xiegang zhongian” [A middle-aged “slash career” guy who likes to run] March 12, 2022, 19:31 local time:

Have folks thought through one question, which is—are these stickers they give out to every single person after their PCR tests—are they really necessary??? Don’t our QR codes automatically display our PCR status? Whether we’ve done it or not, whether we’re negative, can’t that be seen with one quick scan? This is something Big Data’s supposed to be able to solve, but we have to regress to these kindergarten level stickers to show off a new trick in pandemic control.

we have to regress to these kindergarten level stickers to show off a new trick in pandemic control.

I’m gonna say it: there’s no anti-forgery measures in these stickers and there are gigantic high-res images all over the Internet. Some nefarious person could go print them at any old printing factory. So I just don’t understand what they accomplish, apart from troubling people and costing them tax money? Just to show you did your PCR test! Have you considered that a positive case with one of these stickers might’ve strolled all over town for a day before getting their test results? These pandemic measures that somebody in an office slapped their forehead and came up with, apart from funneling profits to some printing factory, what do they bring to us the people of Xi’an? If high-tech methods like QR codes and big data are useless and pathetic before a little sticker, then why did we spend so much money to do all that data engineering? What was the point? #Xi’anpandaPCRstickers #Xi’anpandemiccontrol

Weibo user “Nanxiang xiaosheng YXY” [South alley young gent YXY], January 16, 2022, 11:17 local time:

#Xi’anpandemic #urgenthelpneeded They really don’t care about whether folks live or die. From lockdown on the 23rd I’ve eaten instant noodles for 20-some days straight because I can’t buy anything. I’m just eating one package a day. The worst was a few days I didn’t have anything to eat at all. I begged for help but nobody cared. A policy nobody bothers executing is worthless shit. One pandemic really shows how much trash there is out there.

From lockdown on the 23rd I’ve eaten instant noodles for 20-some days straight because I can’t buy anything.

Weibo user “Soleildiandian” [Soleil bounce-bouce], January 19, 2022, 10:20 local time:

#Xi’anpandemic #urgenthelpneeded Baby is over four months old now. But she never got her first Hep B or her BCG shots, and the later shots had to get pushed back (crying face emoji). She’s sickly, she was under five pounds when she was born, and she kept getting jaundice. Then she was in the hospital for 14 days with brochitis, and now they’ve shut things down for the pandemic. Kids in Weiyang District are able to get their shots now, but they’re saying the first Hep B has to be at the hospital where she was born in order to be recorded in the system. But the Northwest Women and Children [Hospital] Immunization Department hasn’t opened yet (crying face emoji).

Students at Xi’an University of Architecture and Technology, January 10, 2022, reposted by verified account “Qinfen ge [Diligent Bro]” on January 11, 2022, 16:12 local time:

It’s not like we wanted to eat some kind of fancy delicacies. Are we “giant babies” for wanting the cafeteria food to be cooked all the way through, the rice not to be all sour and stale, the meat not to be bleeding and to be a little more well done, the chow mein not to have steel wool in it, and the school to stop making us pay fees left and right? Are these problems really not problems to you? Are we not allowed to protest these problems? Take a look at these things they gave us and see if they’re worth 15 yuan? Barely any eggs in the tomato-and-egg stirfry, and you count that as a protein dish? The rice is all half cooked and the Napa cabbage stalks are all in there whole and raw.

*

You have the face to call us “giant babies”? Would you make your kid spend 25 grand to live in a cement-floor dorm room, not be able to take a shower for a month, use a group toilet and a group washroom to brush their teeth, eat half-cooked rice and half-plucked poultry, stand in line for an hour to buy a meal after lockdown and get nothing but hot air? Having us students clean up the toilets and take out the trash, did you give us anything for our volunteer work? Are you all treating us like free labor? If you don’t come live in our dorms and eat this trash food then don’t be making noise here, you fuckin’ crazy Karen.

You have the face to call us “giant babies”? Would you make your kid spend 25 grand to live in a cement-floor dorm room, not be able to take a shower for a month, use a group toilet and a group washroom to brush their teeth…?

Shenzhen

Verified Weibo user “Sulun interprets words” [Sulun jiezi], April 17, 2022, 22:08 local time:

The night of March 19th, I suddenly got an eye problem. It was incredibly painful! At 7:30am on the 20th, I rushed to the Shenzhen Eye Hospital for emergency care, but they didn’t let me go in. They said my 48-hour PCR [negative] wasn’t good enough. Their rules were a 24-hour PCR [negative]. They made me wait until 9 am for a PCR then go home and wait, then come back when I had that PCR result from within 24 hours. I live in Dongguan (we aren’t in a pandemic zone so we can just do 48-hour PCRs). [Translator’s Note: Dongguan is roughly 45 miles from Shenzhen; the latter is considered the more advanced city.] My urgent illness, because I had to run back and forth for not having a 24-hour turnaround PCR, never got treated in a timely fashion. Now, after surgery, the recovery is not at all ideal because my ocular hypertension wasn’t handled in time. My optical nerves are damaged and there are vitreous opacities in my eye. My pupil is dilated and may not recover.

These dogmatic rules at hospitals are so evil and heinous! Who knows how many people were just like me, not dying of COVID but of other illnesses! I’ve decided to bring a lawsuit!! Let’s see if these regulations or the law is more powerful?!

Weibo user “Hello, winter” [Nihao zhege dongtian], April 15, 2022, 21:12 local time:

@shenzhencitygovernment @shenzhenhealthcommittee @shenzhenweibolounge @voiceofchina

Hello, bosses. As a Shenzhen resident, I have a few inquiries for you all.

1. Is it the case that the national government has a document requiring that people all get the [COVID] vaccination regardless of their physical condition?
2. To go home to one’s residential compound, apart from a PCR test, do we now have to receive a [COVID] vaccination too?
3. To do a collective PCR test in the neighborhood, do you need a vaccine record [for COVID]?

These are all issues for people living in Shenzhen right now. I, because of health reasons (many allergies and suppressed immune system) have not received any [COVID] vaccinations. Now police have shown up next to the gate in and out of the neighborhood and police are all over the PCR test station checking people’s vaccine records. They’re using megaphones (megaphone emoji) saying that people without vaccine records can’t enter the neighborhood.

Can you please explain to me what’s going on here? I hope leaders somewhere can give us ordinary folks an explanation:

1. If [health]problems appear after the vaccine, will anyone be held responsible?
2. Where can I get an exemption document for not being able to receive the vaccine due to health reasons? And, how do I display that on my QR code?

If [health]problems appear after the vaccine, will anyone be held responsible?

Weibo user “Yikgaai11”, April 15, 2022, 13:32 local time:

#shanghaipandemic #shenzhenforcingcovidvax #shenzhenpandemic @People’sDaily @XinhuaNews @XinhuaDaily @Shenzhenhealthcommittee @GuangdongNews @HeadlineNews

Shenzhen is Shenzhen, in China. If you change the way of phrasing it, does that mean it’s not compelled anymore???! Everyone, help please (prayer hands/thanks emoji) the people are the real masters of the nation, local misdeeds are damaging our Party (prayer hands/thanks emoji x 2)

[Image 1]: Screenshot of a series of duplicate, automated messages from a residential neighborhood commitee. “Dear Futian Neighborhood residents and friends, the pandemic’s situation outside is still fierce and dangerous. Social chains of transmission have not yet been broken. Please receive a booster vaccine as soon as possible to ensure your and society’s safety. If you do not receive a booster, an application will be made to give you a “yellow” QR code, which will affect your daily life. The result may be, “no vax, no going out, no riding in cars, no going to work, no going shopping.” For yourself and for others, hurry to get your vaccine! Futian Neighborhood vaccine hotline: 28811899. Futian Neighborhood Office [Please do not reply to this text message.]

[Image 2]: A meme/viral image from another user and reposted by user Yikgaai11, reading “COVID-19 vaccines: vaccinations must not be forced upon all individuals: On April 11, the National Health Commission’s spokesperson Mi Feng indicated that some regions had oversimplified their COVID vaccination work and had even become “one size fits all” in forcibly requiring all individuals receive the vaccine. This must be resolutely corrected.”[Note: this spokesperson’s statement was widely quoted by official PRC news media in April 2021 and accompanied by a set of policies about informed consent issued by the NHC the same day.]

[Image 3]: Screenshot of a Weibo search for the hashtag “Shenzhen disguising forced vax,” with the results page stating, “Per related laws and policies, this topic page is not being displayed.”

[Image 4]: Screenshot of a short text from another user and reposted by user Yikgaai11, reading “Disguised forcible vaccination is illegal and criminal behavior. Forced vaccination in another guise is suspected of violating international law in the Nuremberg Code, the Constitutional Law of the People’s Republic of China, the Vaccine Management Law of the People’s Republic of China, of the “Informed, Consensual, Voluntary” principles announced by the People’s Republic of China Central Commission for Discipline Inspection on July 16, 2021! It’s furthermore suspected of violating the People’s Republic of China’s National Health Commission’s “Informed, Consensual, Voluntary” principles announced on April 11, 2021! This is a potential case of political overreach!

[Image 4]: Image of an official announcement from the Shenzhen City, Luohu District Bureau of Commerce.

“Luohu District Bureau of Commerce notice on improving COVID-19 vaccination work:

All businesses of Luohu District, currently our city remains in the ‘fierce attack’ phase of pandemic control. In order to strictly carry out the directives of the province, city, and district about COVID-19 vaccination, we ask that all businesses must organize all of their employees and staff to have “all those who should get the shot” receive vaccination by Monday, April 18, 2022. Those who match the conditions for receiving the first or third doses of vaccination but who fail to do so will be sorted by this Bureau through our big data systems and will be reported upward to be managed by QR code assignment. Once a person receives a “yellow” or “red” QR code, they will suffer the consequences themselves. We hope that all point persons at businesses will give this their highest priority and firmly carry out their subjective responsibilities as enterprises to control the pandemic.

Luohu District Commerce Bureau, April 14, 2022. (Contact: Mr. Bie, 25666458)”

[Note: This entire Weibo post seems likely to be deleted in the future, thus I’ve included a screenshot of it here:]

Changchun

Weibo user “If your eyes were really this cold” [Tangruo ni de yanjing zhen shi zheyang leng], April 18, 2022, 00:38 local time:

Changchun’s been enacting “social zero” [COVID], it’s been a month and a half. Now everyone’s depleted and desperate, the economic impact’s been huge, prices are screaming upward and inflation’s hitting everything. Taiyuan [Shanxi Province] is also a provincial capital, but their “social zero” took half a month, or even less. Though the severity of the situation in the two cities is different, the difference in results [the lockdowns] have caused are way too huge. When the pandemic started I thought, a month, tops, that’s gotta be the end of it. After all, we’re all experienced now. But who knew they could draw out the battle front for two whole months. They’ve made it so everybody’s suffering. We’re not getting enough to eat, we can’t even take a shower. We’re all grabbing at food and trying to do group orders. All the prices for everything are skyrocketing. What else is this but total corruption? It really puts a chill in your heart. Everyone talking about fleeing Changchun isn’t just joking around. There’s going to be a brain drain for sure. #Changchunpandemic

They’ve made it so everybody’s suffering. We’re not getting enough to eat, we can’t even take a shower. We’re all grabbing at food and trying to do group orders. All the prices for everything are skyrocketing. What else is this but total corruption?

Weibo user “Big Matt Beer” [Da Matt pijiu], April 18, 2022, 00:10 local time:

The 37th day of Changchun’s city lockdown! In the past month, at first buying food was basically by grabbing (from the produce mart on the ground floor and the fresh foods supermarket). Then there was some support coming in from outside the city, and then designated city provision-guarantee businesses began to offer designated channels for buying [food]. The neighborhoods did diddly squat early on, but now tonight the management sent out this kind of notice. Who knows if any of the five designated enterprises in Changchun approved by the Commerce Bureau can manage all of these four points when they deliver food to us.

Nailing down the barn door after all the horses ran off. They can send back the shipments whenever they want, then. (Laughing/crying emoji.)

Is there any hope of Changchun coming out of lockdown on May Day or what? (Laughing/crying emoji.)

[Image: screenshot of a text message from the user’s neighborhood property management, reading “Neighborhood notice: all businesses must follow the neighborhood rules and keep the gates secured. About deliveries, four principles must be maintained: 1, products must provide proof of being from a “protected provision” business; 2, products must provide proof of [negative] surface tests [for COVID]; 3, delivery staff must wear PPE correctly; 4, delivery staff must provide a PCR report from within the last 24 hours. (Exclamation point emoji x2) If any of the above (finger pointing emoji) four items is not completed according to requirement, management will not receive the delivery.]

Paying Weibo user “Cutie lots or not, eh?” [Keai duobuduo a], April 13, 2022, 22:54 local time:

Sitting in Changchun’s Kuancheng District, our building is in the full lockdown zone. This afternoon, without any warning or any related new directives, a “big white” [Note: the nickname given to police officers and other government staff/neighborhood volunteers in the all-white hazmat suits] came to our doors to give out PPE, saying that the entire building was moving to centralized isolation. Where they were transferring us to, at first they said they didn’t know, then they said a bunch of different places. Downstairs there were cops and a bus.

On the nights of April 2nd and 4th, they transferred away positive people, and some of these people turned negative and got sent back. We didn’t contact them, so why are they moving all of us in the building now? After the 4th, they came once on the 8th to do a PCR for all of us, then nothing.

I called 96118, 12345, 88777077 to complain, but no replies so far. In my room here I can hear really loud knocking on doors. Looks like no sleep tonight. So the so-called “social zero” is to take all of us negative people very safe at home away? That’s “zero”? Ridiculous!

#Changchunpandemic #Changchun #ChangchunKuanchengpandemicmeasures #Changchunpandemichelp #happeninginChangchun @Changchunannouncements @Jilinannouncements @Jilinprovincialhealthcommission

[Screenshot of this user’s post included here in the event it is removed or deleted:]

Verified Weibo user Luo Xiaowei, of the “Boiling Point” video channel [Feidian shipin], April 13, 2022, 14:40 local time:

#Police confirm that a Changchun resident inciting a “pot knocking movement” was detained #Internet rumors verified #Changchunpandemic

In recent days in Changchun, Jilin, there was talk online of a resident surnamed Wang who fanned the flames of a “pot-knocking movement” [of protest] in his neighborhood group chat though his daily necessities were ensured. The nature of his actions cause serious negative impacts. According to Jimu News, the police have detained Wang for 7 days and fined him 300 yuan [Note: about 47 USD] for his unlawful behavior. On the 13th, officers at the Changchun Municipal Public Security’s Lüyuan Division, Xi’an Plaza Police Station indicated that this was a real incident and will be later reported on the official Changchun Municipal Public Security social media accounts.

[Video of the “incident” attached to original post here.]

Guangzhou

Weibo user “Little joy is sleeping” [Xiao joy zai shuijiao], April 17, 2022, 01:51 local time:

#Guangzhoupandemic I’m so done…after school started, Dongguan exploded so I couldn’t go home. Now it’s Guanghzou’s turn for the pandemic. They just don’t want me to go home, huh. Can this pandemic just GTFO this earth already? Being locked down at school for two whole months, I’m gonna get a mental illness ffs! Can I just be allowed to go home once for May Day…

Being locked down at school for two whole months, I’m gonna get a mental illness ffs!

Weibo user “Walk with me for a while” [Pei wo zou yi duan lu], April 17, 2022, 11:18 local time:

Any brothers and sisters who aren’t asleep out there,can you tell me if you’ll get quarantined if you fly from Baiyun Airport in Guangzhou to Shuangliu Airport in Chengdu? I’m really upset, I can’t drag my feet any more. I’m afraid Grandpa won’t be able to wait for me to get there #GuangzhouBaiyunAirport #ChengduShuangliuAirport #Guangzoupandemic

[Note: the user further commented as follows (full comment section in attached screen capture):]

07:12, April 18: Thank you to the six folks who PM’d me. I called the Chengdu pandemic response center yesterday and they said everyone who landed in Chengdu from Guangzhou would be quarantined, whether you had a [all-clear] travel pass or not.

07:54, April 18:So then I returned my ticket for noon from Guangzhou and changed it to Shenzhen. My daddy called me at 6 this morning saying the situation [with Grandpa] was even worse, so I got up and took a car to Bao’an Airport. I got there at 8, so I returned that noon ticket and bought another one for 9:30. I landed in Chengdu at 11:40, borrowed a car from a friend and drove home. I got there at 4 in the afternoon (crying emoji).

Weibo user “Keke’s daily amusements” [Keke quchang], April 17, 2022, 09:49 local time, from Guangdong Associate-to-Bachelors Discussion

#GDAssociatetoBachelors #some students may not be able to sit for the exam [Note: students in three-year associate degrees must sit for an exam to transfer to a bachelors’ program.] #Guangzhoupandemic

Let me tell you all from my personal experience, lockdowns come really suddenly. You have no idea when they’ll seal up your own front door. So please don’t think this doesn’t matter for you or that you’re above it all.

When I got sealed in last year, it was three in the morning. The neighborhood and the po-pos knocked at the door to tell us to go downstairs to do PCRs. Then in the morning the building was all surrounded, then they put “do not enter” tape and police alarms on our doors. Someone tried to sneak out by hiding in a trash can but got caught. We were shut in for 14 days. No warning at all before it happened. We were completely caught flat-footed!

Then in the morning the building was all surrounded, then they put “do not enter” tape and police alarms on our doors. Someone tried to sneak out by hiding in a trash can but got caught. We were shut in for 14 days.

Now [cases] are rising every day in Guangzhou and they’ll expand the lockdowns. No one can promise that they won’t shut you down too. Putting your head in the sand won’t give you a guarantee that you’ll be able to sit for the exam. And who will take responsibility for this risk [of contagion during the exam]? They’ll just tell you to hope for the best! So do you still want to risk the exams? You’re gonna tough it out vs the virus?

This is a different type of post. Here, instead of presenting the voice of a single person, I have translated selected stories shared on Weibo and elsewhere on the Chinese Internet—or more fittingly, Intranet. Weibo is the People’s Republic of China’s equivalent of Twitter, which has been banned in that country since 2009 along with Facebook.

These are the stories of those who have died likely as a direct result of the inhumane and unscientific “Zero Covid” policy being enacted in the PRC via stringent, city-wide lockdowns and other requirements for daily/repeated testing, sanitization and disinfection, and so forth, affecting unthinkably many souls (over 25 million in Shanghai alone).

Many have speculated about the motivation in inflicting these punitive policies. Some argue that the house arrests, disbursal of Beijing-touted Traditional Chinese Medicine patent medicine in the form of Lianhua Qingwen Capsules, separations of young children from their caregivers, and other controversial measures are a show of central authority over Shanghai’s mighty regional power-holders, made more politically important with a major convention of the ruling Communist Party approaching later this year. Others think that higher-ups’ edicts have yet again, like in many of Mao Zedong’s campaigns in the 20th century, been translated with extreme intensity by lower-down political figures eager to curry favor or at least not lose their standing.

Whatever the chain of events behind this lockdown, I think it imperative in this moment to bring to the world stories of the people of Shanghai. Since the nineteenth century, this once-humble fishing village has been the most cosmopolitan, glamorous city of the continental Qing empire (1644-1911）and its successor Chinese nation-states. Shanghai is associated with an outward-looking spirit and all manner of cultural manifestations viewed with concern and censure by successive generations of rulers in Beijing.

Endless throngs of people have migrated to Shanghai to try to make a new life, my own great-grandfather included. He scratched out a living as a wonton peddler for a while there, and it was in Shanghai that my grandfather was born in 1938, during the Japanese invasion of the eastern seaboard cities. Shanghai has also been a home base for many of my colleagues conducting historical research; the city archives are known as the most updated, accessible, and efficient in the entire country.

In short, what’s happening in Shanghai in late March and April 2022 is a personal tragedy for me. Unfortunately, the lockdowns may be spreading to other cities (a number of metropolises had already imposed mass-testing and lockdown-type measures earlier this year, with tens of millions affected). And too few English-speaking people have a sense of the texture of suffering on the ground.

Here is a first installment of stories from the People’s Republic. All accounts here derive from this post on the “Real Zhongguo” WordPress site except for the final one, the original of which is linked alongside my translation. Please be warned that the contents may be intense for sensitive readers.

Zhou Shengni [note that Chinese family names precede personal names], Nurse at Shanghai East Hospital (Teaching Hospital affiliated with Tongji University, est. 1920):

Per an announcement posted on her employer’s web site on March 25, 2022, Zhou had been a longtime employee in several departments at the famed hospital. “She worked diligently and tirelessly without complaint, an outstanding ‘angel in white’.” She had an asthma attack on March 23 while at home; medication did not resolve her symptoms.

Around 7 pm, family members brought her to her own hospital by private car. But the emergency department was temporarily closed for “environmental sampling and disinfection” as part of its “pandemic control.” The family was forced to bring Zhou to the Renji Hospital (est. 1844 and attached to Shanghai Jiaotong University; its name means “compassionate succor”) for resuscitation. Zhou perished from her asthma sometime past 11 pm.

Around 7 pm, family members brought her to her own hospital by private car. But the emergency department was temporarily closed for “environmental sampling and disinfection” as part of its “pandemic control.”

Anonymous man, husband to user K–11, both Shanghai natives:

Weibo user K–11 posted at 12:49 a.m. on April 11, 2022 the following:

I’m in Shanghai, one of the places in this country with the most advanced medical resources, the most advanced medical equipment, the best doctors, and the most effective treatments. We are Shanghainese born and raised and always had faith in this place we deeply loved. But my husband forever left me and our five-year-old daughter and his aged mother in the early morning of April 4th, still waiting on his PCR results so he could be admitted to the ER.

My husband was a cancer patient. He had been receiving treatment at the Shanghai Municipal Tumor Hospital and had been in stable condition. His medical team were very good, too. Suddenly he felt unwell on April 3rd. We called 120 for an ambulance at 7:30 pm. He was already short of breath, felt tightness in his chest, and had icy-cold hands and feet. But they didn’t undertake any emergency measures on the ambulance. Because everyone had to have a PCR test for admission, the Sanjia Hospital walk-in urgent care was temporarily closed, and we had to go to a hospital designated by the emergency services. My husband had a low-grade fever at the time, but the walk-ins for febrile patients was being disinfected at the time, so we waited a very long time in the dark night at the doors. Then, because he had a fever, they had to give him a PCR test. The negative PCR we got the day before in our neighborhood didn’t count (I don’t know why it didn’t count). If he were to be sent into the ER, they required another PCR (if the walk-ins for febrile patients had one PCR result, why did the ER have to do another one? I have no idea).

At the febrile walk-ins, he still had shortness of breath, chest tightness, and low blood pressure. He urgently needed to get targeted emergency help in the ER—flooding therapy, immunotherapy and so forth, and to undergo a multi-functional test of myocardial enzymes and other indicators. But the problem remained that the ER’s PCR still hadn’t come back. So we could only keep waiting in the febrile walk-in department. It was there that his heart gradually, finally stopped. Your last words were, “Mom, go ask the doctors, has my PCR come back yet?”

You were in such pain that you couldn’t breathe. You waited and waited for the doctors to help you, but that help never came. Is a cancer patient not worth saving? Aren’t all living beings worth saving? The PCR finally appeared two hours after he left us. The second-order harms of this wave of the pandemic chills me to the bone.

Your last words were, “Mom, go ask the doctors, has my PCR come back yet?”

Kiddo’s daddy, you went too soon. Just yesterday I could have a happy chat with you, just yesterday we were saying who knew when they were going to lift the lockdown, that we had to keep our chins up together. You always wanted a little more time with our daughter, and there were so many things we didn’t have time to say to each other. You went through too much. You’ve been left forever behind in the cold spring of 2022.

It’s 2022. This is Shanghai.

Mother of economist Larry Lang Xianping, PhD (UPenn):

Lang, something of an Internet celebrity, posted the following to his verified Weibo account at 2:40pm on April 11, 2022.

The information being passed around online about my mother’s passing was originated by my older brother Allen (Lang Xianbai). Because many platforms are sharing it and speculating about my mother’s death—I originally didn’t want to use this public forum to talk about my family’s personal matters, but since it’s out there now, I must explain what happened. Yes, like my brother Lang Xianbai, we are all very saddened. This tragedy could’ve been averted. Because my mom was already very elderly at 98, like all older folks her organ function wasn’t great. This time, she had a little dip in her kidney function. Based on diagnoses given in the past, she just needed one shot to feel better.

But because of Shanghai’s strict rules that patients can only see doctors after a PCR, my mom was waiting at the Sanjia Hospital doing an on-the-spot PCR that didn’t return a result even after four hours. I find this deeply shocking. After waiting four hours at the door of the hospital’s ER department, my mom left me forever. I wanted to see her one last time, but because my neighborhood was locked down, it took a very long time and connecting with the relevant authorities before I was allowed to go to the hospital. Standing on the side of the street, I couldn’t get a Didi [the PRC equivalent of an Uber], because of the lockdown, so I never got to see my mom one more time before she passed.

Standing on the side of the street, I couldn’t get a Didi, because of the lockdown, so I never got to see my mom one more time before she passed.

I hope that this tragedy will never recur, and I want to than everyone for your care and concern. (Six “prayer/thank you” emoji.)

Wu Zhongnan, emeritus professor of Electrical Engineering at Shanghai Jiaotong University and national calligraphy association member

Wu’s son, Wu Zhengxi, posted the following to his verified Weibo account at 4:50 am on April 13, 2022:

My father, Wu Zhongnan, was at the advanced age of 78 this year. He had many comorbidities but his PCR was negative. Because he had shortness of breath on the night of April 6th, he called an ambulance but without result. After asking for help from many channels, finally an ambulance from the Pudong New District brought him to the ER at Renji Hospital for treatment.

After entering the ER, the nurses and doctors said that there wasn’t enough equipment or manpower or berths—an ER for 50 people had over 150 in it. There wasn’t even enough medication to go around!

Because he was having difficulties breathing, Father hoped the doctors would arrange for an oxygen machine for him. But the hospital didn’t have enough oxygen machine spots. (We later found that they actually did.) Buying our own oxygen bag was met with hard refusals. I, who was stuck in a locked-down neighborhood and could not leave, found a way to send him an oxygen bag. My old father could only sit on a bench in the corner with a saline drip and his oxygen bag, but this was too little, too late. In the interval, the ER was taking in many COVID-positive patients, and my parents were sitting right beside them!!

Very interestingly, the ER that was supposedly so short-staffed could arrange PCR tests in very short order. No matter how busy, all of the nurses would notify the patients and family members to do their PCRs!! My father sat there on the bench across from the bathrooms, slowly bound for death!! After two and a half days of waiting and helplessness, Father passed away in the early morning of April 9th. He was 78. (Photos attached.) Before he passed, he was still continuing to beg the doctors to save him, but the doctors couldn’t do anything for him.

Very interestingly, the ER that was supposedly so short-staffed could arrange PCR tests in very short order. No matter how busy, all of the nurses would notify the patients and family members to do their PCRs!! My father sat there on the bench across from the bathrooms, slowly bound for death!!

After Father passed, my mother and I were inconsolable. After making arrangements for Father’s final needs, I dropped off Mother at their home. But who knew an even greater blow was about to follow. In the next day’s PCR tests [for her neighborhood], Mother was positive!! The ER doctors had said, because the ER also took in COVID-positive patients, that it was very easy to contract the virus in an ER. My mother had been at Father’s side for two days in the ER and had finally, unfortunately been stricken after that high-load viral environment!! My mother is also frail at 74, and now after the cruel blow of losing my father, her body and spirit were on the verge of collapse!!

The CDC’s second test showed that she was indeed a COVID patient. On the night of April 12th, she was notified that she had to go to a Fangcang [note: centralized state-run COVID isolation field hospitals] for quarantine! And they were coming to get her at home that night at midnight. She’s been arranged to go to some extremely badly outfitted transfer station who knows where, and they say she will have to stay at the transfer station for several days.

I’m so afraid that Mother won’t be able to get help and will also have the unthinkable happen. I strongly call upon all related authorities to please help take care of her!! Her name is Wang Zhimin, her ID number is 310224194810110723.

[A user update posted before 4/15, 11:30 am local time reads “Mother has been transferred to a designated COVID hospital.”]

I watched the lockdown speech on 23 March 2020, and thought at the time “It’s only a temporary thing, for the good of the nation”, but then it went on… and on, for 1.5 years. Well, officially 2 years, if you count the end of travel bans, self-isolation, mask-wearing on public transport.

I didn’t enjoy any of the lockdowns really… it was most certainly NOT the “Long Long Holiday, no work” that some people thought. I couldn’t work from home anyway, my job was people-focused and couldn’t be done over Zoom anyway.

Also, I don’t trust the government much, and well, this crisis has only reduced my trust more. Being LGBT does affect this, but it’s incidental to the larger issues of lockdown and COVID. The March 2020-January 2022 COVID pandemic was a collective dork age. For anyone not getting the meaning, “dork age” is a movie fandom term for when a franchise loses its way due to lack of ideas. This was such a time for society overall, in many ways.

I was insulated from a lot of the popular lockdown things like Tiger King, banana bread, Zoom quizzes, anyway… instead, I worried over headlines about financial crises, semiconductor chip shortages, businesses going into administration, and popular restaurants disappearing for good. Very dark reading, but couldn’t be ignored. I tend to follow business news like BBC News 24 and CNBC etc. I don’t even have Zoom due to its bugginess and privacy policy being a bit hinky.

I was insulated from a lot of the popular lockdown things like Tiger King, banana bread, Zoom quizzes… instead, I worried over headlines about financial crises, semiconductor chip shortages, businesses going into administration, and popular restaurants disappearing for good.

You do have to give respect to people like Frankie McCamley (BBC), Chloe Keedy (ITV), Juliet Phillips (BBC), Siobhan Kennedy (Channel 4) and Katy Austin, BBC News 24 business correspondent, for their hard work reporting from the coalface, direct from hospitals, etc., reporting on things as they happened; they couldn’t do their work from home or over Zoom, and the stories were bleak as hell at times. Being a news reporter isn’t glitzy or glamorous, and it’s an important job, especially in this era of fake news. These five women are underappreciated.

Also, respect to Megan Thee Stallion for her work in criticizing those who peddled fake news on COVID vaccines and misinformation, calling them out and pointing out how politicians could get it wrong. She was no Trump supporter, but no Johnson supporter either. An unlikely pandemic hero, but worth mentioning here nonetheless.

Now, I’m no ardent anti-masker, but in Europe, face coverings used to have a stigma. In Westerns, masks were part of a black-and-white morality, i.e. good guy vs bad: the good guys’ faces are uncovered, the bad guys covered their faces. There’s been the debate over the niqab worn by Muslim women (as Islam was always politicized in the 2000s post-9/11, but it took until the mid-2010s for it to be less prominent in the public sphere due to other issues like Brexit and climate change).

I questioned masking for COVID for different reasons. There’s been a fear that kids would grow up seeing a faceless society. Not literally faceless, but not understanding people’s facial expressions. Some people claimed masks/face coverings were helpful for people with autism spectrum disorder who struggle to read facial expressions, but, ironically, this was not the case; many found it limiting and had to rely on voice alone to understand things, not easy for some people. But it’s not just them. Deaf people, obviously, and lip-reading. They struggled too.

There’s been a fear that kids would grow up seeing a faceless society. Not literally faceless, but not understanding people’s facial expressions.

Then there’s the bigger issue of government hypocrisy. I’m no COVID denier; I know it exists, but I do have scepticism and distrust of my government.

I’d never been a fan of the Conservatives, or as some British people call them, “Con-Servatives”. For anyone not getting the reference, “con” is referring to con men/swindlers.

It began with the Dominic Cummings incident in April/May 2020, where he broke rules for an optician’s visit.

But that wasn’t the biggest scandal. Plenty of other people did that on a much less grand scale, only it wasn’t talked about. And if it were, it was in the obscurity of Facebook mutual aid groups or COVID support groups. (Not that I use Facebook, not trusting them with my personal data.)

The big scandal was of course Partygate, which was revealed on 30 November 2021, when lockdown and social distancing had officially finished in law but the “Plan B” of face-masks and the controversial COVID passes (now axed for good) were starting to be planned. There were fears of a fourth lockdown which thankfully never happened in early 2022. Three was enough!

Most of you know what Partygate is, so I won’t give a recap.But it only strengthened my belief in not trusting the Conservatives.

And, 4 months later, it’s still relevant, even in the face of the Ukraine crisis. Trivial, some may say, compared to the Ukraine crisis. But back home, it’s not that trivial. Realistically, we can’t do much about Ukraine since it’s not directly our war, our arguments; but that’s another can of worms not to open for this site.

I would say Partygate’s an issue because it’s lowered people’s trust in politicians even more than the Cameron years and Brexit did.

I’m 36, and this government’s been a failure on a lot of things. From HS2 to benefits to COVID-19 response, if this were a high school, it’d be giving them all D grades.

I’ve also been wary of SAGE too, since I’ve heard reports of people not trusting the figures etc. and claims of doom-mongering. Yes, scientists can and should be trusted, but there’s doubt over whether SAGE can be, and whether they have links to Big Pharma.

I would say Partygate’s an issue because it’s lowered people’s trust in politicians even more than the Cameron years and Brexit did.

Conspiracy theorists suggest we may have climate change lockdowns in the future. (By the way, I don’t support Extinction Rebellion; their tactics are audience-alienating at best and give them the wrong kind of attention.) Lockdowns aren’t always THE solution; where you draw the line between public health and government control is anyone’s guess.

I like my country, less so its government.

I hope to God we don’t get another thing as serious as this. Not that I’m religious—it’s a metaphor, y’know.

The sunlight has yet to come fully, to shine through, but we’ll be out of 2 years of hell. Hopefully jargon such as “mask up” and “social distancing” will become as much old-fashioned words as “icebox” and “Yuppie” are nowadays.

-“Jana.”

[Featured image by Jeremy Bishop via Pexels]