07:55 - 21.01.2025
These days i was a bit irritated or agitated. I do not know the correct word but basically i get angry or emotional very quickly without much triggerring. I used to take these like a champion when i was working at a hotel reading about psychology, philosophy and writing down my thoughts. Eating and sleeping well, meditating and whatnot. It was all smooth sailing even in the darkest times of my own mind. I have stopped doing those. I stopped taking care of myself since some time now. It took it's effect on me really. I always knew how much it would effect my mental well being if i did not take care of myself both physically and mentally but sometimes you just do not know how it is until you live through it.
A lot of feelings just rush around my mind all the time. At this day and age i have the most resources and knowledge i have ever had in my life. However it is the time where all of them are near useless at this time. You know, everything in life comes as a package. Not as a single thing and you have to love it for what it is. You cannot just say "Oh if i knew what i know right now at the good old days i would be much better right now!" However all of those years you spent going through the problems, living through the time you did not know what you know right now you were actually learning what you know right now. It is just how it is. I want to work on drawing and animation like a crazy man! However i lack the time and leisure to do that. I have a lot of responsibilities right now and i am trying to get into the mobile game industry because they earn a lot of money. Animation studios just open and close everyday here, but mobile game studios are very stable. Even the ones that are quite bad. So i have to learn to work for them. For that i started learning Spine2D and Unity3D. Two programs that i had no idea about. Learning new programs always takes me a lot of time. For every failed attempt i have to for some reason learn a new program or a new way of making things to better make myself suitable for that particular available mobile game studio. Forcing me to spend more and more time on stuff that i do not know anything about.
These days it feels quite pointless you know. I never valued art more than say something like a bakery. Art is fun and can be important for mental well being. It can teach a lot of things to people. However at the end of the day art is art and most art do not provide anything good to most people anyway. This being my perspective on art makes it hard for me to take all these "art" game studios serious. Making animation for fun or trying to come up with a philosophical, psychological or teaching artwork is good and makes sense to work on it but working on these meaningless game animation stuff that will be used for basically "mind numbing digital drugs" is just not very motivating to work for.
On top of that i am also questioning my sociality too. Recently i realised that all the friends that i have do not really take me as their friends. This is not a personal thing but rather a social thing from a large standpoint. I spent all my life trying to form bonds and connections with people. Not only to me but also with other people too. I love communities and i loved being a part of a community back then. So i was always looking for the next community to be in but it just never happened. It never existed ever again. So i took it to myself and tried to creat one over and over and over again. Resulting in always me having connections to dozens of people and no one having any connections to each other. This is not a community. Also those connections that i have with people, they are one sided. When i do not connect to them they do not connect back. This was how it is since the high school. Once i stopped texting my high school friends they stopped texting to each other and also to me too. I am basically lonely. Because people are alone these days not because they are forced to but they rather prefer being lonely even though in the end they always say "oh why i don't have any friends?" it is always their own doing in their own loneliness. People don't want to talk to each other, to discuss nor to help each other. They are too scared and they are also lazy as fuck. They just cannot bring themselves to care for someone else for a second. Anyways. For these reasons i am lonely. I want and need people around me, there just isn't anyone. That's one of the things that make me sentimental and agitated.
For all these i also know that what i have to do is quite simple. So there is nothing to cry about.
(this one is my favorite)


Now this one is very interesting. You see Japanese animation mostly uses twos to animate scenes. Twos or threes, not really much ones. However this scene is animated on ones. The reason is that the background is actually 3D and it moves on ones. Which it should because if it moved on twos it would hurt our eyes. So to keep the speed of the feet that step on the ground to match the background's speed, the characters are also animated on ones. Now, this could be avoided easily by just getting the camera just a little closer. This means that they wanted to make this exact shot. When I first saw this scene when I watched it on my PC monitor, I actually did not like it that much. It just looks kind of weird seeing this animation animated on ones after seeing a lot of animation animated on twos. It just feels weird. However, when I saw this scene at the theater, it did not feel weird. It actually felt just right. Maybe the spacings are just too small to watch appropriately from an already small screen such as a monitor, or maybe the sheer size of the theater just makes it so that the sides of the screen are seen by my peripherals rather than the center of my vision. Whatever it is, it just feels soooo good in theaters. So I am glad that I watched it at the cinema.
This one is also pretty interesting to me. There was a lot of 3D usage on Howl's Moving Castle. However, this one sticks to my eyes particularly more interesting. While all the other 3D scenes were quite special for themselves, I think only this scene could only be done in 3D. No medium other than 3D could pull this off imo and I think this is a very important thing. To me, every medium should be used to their own special extents. Making something do another thing which can already be done quite well with some else technique kind of feels like a waste of time. However, if we culminate all of our efforts to have a medium that can have its own thing, it is way more important I think. People try to imitate 2D cel character animation with 3D CG or AI. To be honest, these are very short-sighted attempts. Because we humans can already animate characters on cels PRETTY GOOD actually. So it is kind of pointless to try and replicate it on some else medium. However, IMHO I never quite liked background cel animation. There are some interesting and good examples like in Soul Eater:
I just like how Howl makes a funny gist with his mouth like a little spoiled kid xD