Show full content
In my first semester of college, I forbade myself from watching any tv shows, movies or videos for leisure. The reasoning was that TV is social pica and that it would take away from my desire to go out in the world and talk to new friends. The secondary reason was that being able to sit down and watch youtube would make it harder to focus on my school work. I also forbade myself from eating any explicitly sugarry foods.
The thing is, I had actually done both of these before in lower sixth, then eventually went back to eating sugarry things and watching TV concurrently in school, which led to me making so many youtube poops, which I don’t regret honestly, I look back at those fondly.
How did it go? I hyperfixated on Phineas and Ferb so hard and not being able to watch it meant I would just spend hours browsing and updating its fandom wiki. I used winter break to watch primarily new things, so Rick and Morty Season 7, Big Mouth Season 6 or 7 I forget which had just released, and then Monsters at Work and the Star Wars movies, so I didn’t process my Phineas fixation until the following SUMMER. I did talk to a lot of people though. Also the lack of stimulation meant I could take regular NAPS for the first time ever. I also got through tonnes of books, primarily the Ender’s Game series, but also The Stranger by Camus, The Goal by Goldratt, HPMOR, The Martian, Project Hail Mary… damn. Good times.
The final restraint was that I wasn’t allowed to listen to the songs which I had on my songs reflecting the final year of high school playlist, so that I could lock in the assosciation of the songs with high school. THAT was miserable and I will not do that again. But getting to listen to You’re on Fire to make a blog post about it for school was heavenly, and listening to Whole World and You still feels like a treat.
By the second semester, I didn’t let myself listen to any music while doing anything else. I was only allowed to singletask. (It was inspired by my friend Leah). I don’t know if this did more harm or good – I wouldn’t walk around ANYWHERE, or clean my desks for MONTHS just because I never had the stamina to do such boring tasks while doing stuff. It did make sitting down and just closing my eyes and listening to certain songs extremely euphoric. I think this may have been net bad, because now sort of in reparations for this, I ALWAYS let myself listen to stuff or watch stuff to be able to motivate myself to move around, because of the latent memories of how miserable it was. But the thing is walking around bopping to music is so FUN and I know it’s bad that I don’t let myself THINK anymore… but I guess I wasn’t cut out for it.
Second YearI had a free day on Sundays to watch whatever I wanted. I would basically only use it to finish Game of Thrones at first, because I stupidly had like ten episodes left coming into the semester, so I had to painfully spend months to have enough time to get through all the episodes. I also allowed myself to watch stuff while working out, which helped me process my lingering hyperfixation on Phineas and Ferb from the summer (not aided by knowing a new season was soon to be coming out). Eventually I switched to being obsessed with A Series of Unfortunate Events, which was very helpful as I could read the books Mon-Sat then watch episodes of the show on Sundays.
I bailed on caring about sugar at this time.
It was a lot more bearable having sunday as the respite day, I remember being absolutely transfixed to Glorb videos on Sundays because of how much I like looking at animation.
By the end of the year, my attention span for books had really gone down, shifting from super short ASOUE books, to tonnes of fanfictions, then to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, of which I read every single one in the series. And that was it. Apart from If Anyone Builds It Everyone Dies, I think the last pre-Party Pooper Dowk book was the last book I read, and that would have been in May.
Third YearOver summer, I became pescatarian then because I learned I was no longer allergic to beans or soy. (Obviously being vegan is the morally good option, but I never did it because it’s too difficult to get protein with my allergies). Being vegetarian is fine. The euphoria of living according to my morals – especially after years of telling myself that this is HOW I would live if the circumstances were different but never knowing if it was true or if I was lying to myself – makes the inconvenience not even matter. I’m also glad to be like inducted into the group of people who regularly make sacrifices for their morals in a legible way…
I guess that’s everything that’s insufferable about vegetarians. But if I can’t say it here!
I finally stopped with any rules at all for youtube/tv/movies. I can watch them on any day. And I don’t think my socialisation went down in any huge way. I mean I also live in apartment-style housing now and I would go CRAZY if my apartment were just quiet without any nice Community or Home Movies or anything.
One of the things that always worried me about being able to watch stuff to go to sleep was the time wasted in picking out a movie, which would make me stay up way later than I would otherwise. But I found a 19h compilation of this series, Home Movies, which was PERFECT for going to sleep, and for the first two months of the semester it saved my life. Once it finished I found another similar show that’s not quite as good, but has about 30h worth, but now I’m back on Home Movies and the thing is, cartoons are such a deep part of my psychee and I want to create them – and I have been animating it’s not completely just a pipe dream – and actually being able to experience my favourite thing, my favourite type of art, every night, is so so so so good. And makes it a lot easier to go to bed since it’s interesting.
Consequently, my quiet thinking time is about zero. I joked recently that I get all my thinking time done while I’m talking to people, which is why I talk so much. It’s gradually becoming less of a joke.
Meat that you eat isn’t the only thing in that category that I altered my relationship with this semester.
Thing is, they’re both supposed to be permenant changes. The vegetarian one I’m not worried about. The other, more so.
ReflectionsI don’t regret not watching stuff, but man was it hard. It’s good to learn from the future, and I may never have clearly designated UNITS of time in a new continent to experiment like this again. I don’t think I intend to though. I love cartoons and music so much… more than thinking, really. So yeah, it’s against my aesthetics, but at least it’s an informed choice. I miss being able to take naps though.
Happy 2025!























