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Final Score; Newcastle 2 Barcelona 1234567 7

We joined battle for a traditional 5.30 Wednesday night kick-about down on the Costa-del-Packet, made available on satellite courtesy of The Drax corporation and Cameroon Royal Media Inc.  Remarkably, given Switzerland's reputation as the dental gold standard for corruption and selling arms to both sides in any conflict, & being founded in a scout hut by Otto Skorzeny, the Ref was mostly good.  So, I have to complement the officials, apart from the statutory Joe Linton early booking, [just in case], the officiating was not overtly corrupt, a first for a UAFA cup match.  

Newcastle played in tradition black & white with white shorts & socks - so apart from half a dozen anaemic stripes - we played in white, like virgin sacrifices before Baal, or what ever squid based monster eats local Spanish children.  The Officials in yellow and black buzzed about like wasps around a paella, imperiously gesturing with their matching custard yellow cards.  There are still sporadic random outbreaks of the mysterious & yet to be explained holey sock phenomenon, presumably it's a secret cult thing, like trainers on phone lines.  Barcelona played in a traditional purply bluey palmiest of sponsors with references to kicking races out of football, and a remarkable resemblance to the back of Donald Trump's hand.

Unlike say Liverpool, who look like a team of cartel hit men trying to look inconspicuous, Barcelona are cast of characters.  Most notably, their names were emblazoned in a very chatty Italic font on their backs, which, a bit like the rules, I had problems deciphering.  My favourite was someone called Cubist spent the entire game having his head been fattened from all directions, and Pedri who kept putting his foot in.

Sometime, shortly after the traditional break for oranges (another suspiciously Spanish product), the wheels came off the cuddie, and we watched on helplessly as the big boys stole our lunch money.

The Lads

On the subject big boys, Voldemort, our ersatz German striker, whose special power is the ability make himself invisible visible at will, failed to make an impact.  He embodies two pet hates,  players reluctantly trudge back on side, causing the move to break down, and not joining the a press; go together or not at all.  Big Tony Elanga, got a brace, he's great coming onto it, but his close ball control is lacking, but will come with regular practice.

Out of possession we set up 4 5 1 🠆, in possession it gets all very triangular, although we miss Bruno, who actually knows how to use a slide rule.  For someone named after a bridge, Barnes is very light footed, tiptoeing through their defence like a bipedal show pony.  Joe Linton had the Club Hand Bandage [CHB], as opposed to Captain's arms band [CAB] worn by Burn [DAN], which is handed to the substitute player [SUB] if captain [CAP] is being substituted [SUBDOF] with permission of the official [REF], supervised by the forth official [SOB].  

On subject of hated pets, you can add corners that hit the first man or drop into the arms of the goalie like you are teaching an infant to play catch.  Eddie Howe mysteriously waved his arms about like he was landing Corsairs on the Ark Royal in a 27 knot cross wind - eat your heart out Drach [4]

Notes were passed to Hall for Trippier to read, proving at least one of them is literate.  The ref waved his match matching yellow card, and they adjourned to the hot tub for some citrus fruit, [not yet perused by the camera team but I fear Sky Dong Cam is not far away].

What happened next I don't know because the dog ate remote control and I fell asleep and dreamt I was escaping to victory in a Canoe.  Chow, a player named after a foodstuff, suffered a severe attack of Gravity, Chow like Bambi on ice, perhaps some paella disagreed with him.  Ramsey and Ramsdale a fine pair of tups, showed some Pennine grit, and stood out.  Toonali was being Latin, buzzing about like a Vesper with a sting in it's tail, with Hall tacking majestically down our port wing we were set fair for some serious jolly rodgering.  Burn was fire fighting, last ditch tackles, then apparently Trippier touched the ball, and with a Gallic shrugs and hand gestures a penalty was awarded, trips having been adjudged to have handled the ball with his mit. 

It was the worst defeat since 1589, when Drake, an English pirate, known for setting alight to facial hair, and famously making off with some 8 of pieces of gold, had sought revenge on the Spanish in/on/with / aboard The Revenge. *  Previously, he had forcing them to sail round Scotland, and giving rise to generations of dark, hansom and surprising intelligent Welshmen like Tom Jones & Shirly Bassey.  Talking of Genetic outliers, Gordon's ongoing struggle with the politics of  football, found him starting on the left, only to drift to the right, annexing Kieran Trippier living space.

I noted as my writing scrawls off,  the drums - the drums in the deep. . . . they're coming,  so I missed the rest of the second half.  

It's all Greggs fault, now they are available nationwide, the principle motivation for moving to Newcastle has gone - its assets stripping.  I blame  Margert Thatcher; and the Norwegians, and Swiss, and as for the Belgians with their chocolate that looks and tastes like  . . . .

Notes 

* Delete if or where  inappropriate.  1. NUFC branded Stab vests & the new Black & White mace is a discreet alternative to a bulker weapons  2. Any resemblance to actual players, officials, living, dead or not yet fully reincarnated, is entire  coincidental; not.  Further and henceforth, it should be noted that the forgoing is, and will be found to be, without exception fictitious, fraudulent, without foundation, and that in all respects, that all statements on all matters, including this one, are baseness.  3. All facts and statements pertaining to individuals, official bodies, commercial companies, or charities, however so constituted, has been systematically and rigorously fact checked, and scrutinised by our fictitious, imaginary, and probably  hallucinatory legal team.  4. With the possible of Drach, who despite coming from Essex, is convincingly real, and as he knows why some ships sink, while others float, and he must be considered a human expert, and not Ai generated.  https://www.youtube.com/@Drachinifel

•  Epstein is more dangerous dead. Therefor he's alive: logically in the Gulf living on his own property in the Gulf.
• As a former security industry operative, I've been aware of this network since the eighties, and the puzzling involvement of women. 
•  Virginity has always been a currency among elite groups & kompromat has always been the tool of the Russians & their masters the Chinese. 
• In GB a few grand & a modestly hansom rent boy get you access to parliament. 
• I consider "Neutral" countries nodes in these elite networks.
• Centuries of inbreeding has not helped; HRH is in a difficult position; however Gordonstoun made a man of him, and he can, imo be "trusted".
• God knows where this leaves 5as effectively 4, just as we are under greatest threat.
• It's been clear for a while that Palantir are working with the Chinese to manipulate all forms of social media to create Brexit damaging our straegic & eccomonic position as intended.
• Boris was a Russian asset & hidden in plane sight Demonic Cummins.
• Do not take any advice from either of them.  
• It will be difficult to avoid WW3 if Agent Krasnov  [DJT] goes after Cuba, bringing Florida, Texas, Belize & Panama into range. 
• He is an Adderall, Hegseth is a drunkard, with Elon it's Ketamine, & coke has been ubiquitous since the 80's. 
• MAGA is imploding because of economic impacts of his war, the Epstein revelation, and Tariffs, added to which religious fervour End Times, Armageddon, Rapture  all of which it does not makes it all very unstable. (This is mirrored on the other side in the concept of Gehad)
• JD Vance is carpet bagging the country on the back of DJT economic illiteracy, Miller is Nazi. Kristi Noem & most of the Crew are ESN, but the have the resources to have a coup before the mid-terms. 
• Legal Footwear is falling all over the States creating a sense of Urgency among Republicans. 
• Newsome should have gone last time & all of this could have been avoided.
• We are already under hybrid attack. 
• -Unfortunately, our systems are not hardened, (Apart from Banks); the naval infrastructure as 3 bases critical bases. 
• The recent outbreak of flue was centred on The Army Otterburn  used for training Ukrainians. 
• I think there is a D Notice on it.
• One good thing Elon has had to turn off Starlink, & Putin's paranoia over Telegram paranoia Ukraine is winning.. 
• It appears they tried to assonate VZ over Ireland.
• The Military any 2 NATO countries could take on Russia; France has 56 nukes, we have 50, the yanks have 1100; the Russians also have 1100 , but in an unknown state of repair due to lack of maintenance.
• Their infrastructure has been compromised by the Ukrainians, and Putin is desperate as is Xi who is struggling with the army. 
• However, Tofu dreg construction & lack of access to modern machining makes them vulnerable to an attack from Taiwan on the five Georges dam.
• While the Far east Region has South Korea and Russia, the combined forces of South Korea and more importantly Japan more than counterbalance any threat, although the usual harassment and probing by the Chinese will persist.
• If I was the Iranians I would hit Mecca & Gurdwara & of course The Temple Mount with the big stuff they are holding back.
• This would actually suit Israel's addenda, creating living space for their folk, ethnically Clearing the region and pushing the native population into camps in neighbouring Arab states pushing.
• Mossad is the most technically proficient and deep penetration and strategic planning, and are quite capable of false flag attack.
• What this means for football is that air travel will be increasingly dangerous, travel will become more difficult and competitions may have to be abandoned.  Large sporting events are potential targets (NB. see false flag above)
• International sporting events involving America will be boycotted.
• Keep calm & carry on; The BBC & most State broadcasters are playing it down, or at least with a straight bat. The Murdock's have problems of their own.
• The economic aspects fuel and gas costs with cascade through the system causing inflation, although work & investment in the arms industry, and that we are also a producer of these products is a shock the economy can absorb.
• In Terms of Newcastle United; the PIF model is based on the development travel & leisure around sporting events as a long term replacement to fossil fuels, which in the short term will be severely impacted.
• Ironically, the (Primarily) American money laundering operation that is the premier ships. Dubai's arguably less successful  economy model, as well as other Arab states will be impacted, I expect The Cheltenham Festival will be problematic.
• My advice to anyone with the means is to go home (GB) asap.  
• Slava Ukraine 💛💙

• Heath updates 
• Why I am still not dead {Despite my family & the polis}
• Debunking
• Disslexia
• Ridiculing entitled stupid people  
• How to survive World WAR 3
• My War on Ai slop
• Elites & Noncing
• Boycotting 
• Doxing  
• Jokes & Japes
• Cartoons
• Have you ever met an intelligent archaeologist ? . . let me know in the comments

Update: 5th February 2023

Following The Death of my Mother, and having observed a suitable period of mourning, I am now free to finish my business with the grifters in the Academic system and Media infotainment outfits  peddling their racist tropes

Despite millions in public funds - no university has achieved what a dyslexic archaeologist with cancer has done free. 

5/2/2023  Victim impact statement

• Loss of my career
• Lost my Life Savings
• Knowing your ideas can’t be accepted while you are alive
• A decade of Depression  - mental illness Suicidal Deression 
• 5 years of ill health Loss of kidney / bladder / prostate cancer
• A life of poverty, deprivation, embarrassment & shame

1. Introduction 

• I reverse engineer archaeological buildings & structures from posthole evidence.

• Using  traditional architectural technical drawing, CAD, and deductive reasoning to build functionally accurate models.

• Working with the complete scaled dataset to identify basic structural components.

• I started in 1990 & published online since 2008.

• Postholes are the most numerous archaeological features on certain types of sites.

• Thus, Theoretical Structural Archaeology represents a set of analytical techniques for understanding certain archaeological data sets.

• Insights & discoveries of potential national or international importance.

• Completely original & not copied from other scholars or site reports. 

• Outside of my primary work as a professional archaeologist. 

• Work done in my own time.

• My basic methodology has been peer reviewed in the USA. 

• Theoretical Structural Archaeology is maths & science based where possible. 

• Models are refined by looking for errors, inconsistency and poor mathematical fit.

• To the best of my knowledge I am the only UK archaeologist working on the interpretation of timber built environments. 

• This was the basis of a PhD at Newcastle, but evidence based archaeology and science proved incompatible with image based post-processualism subjectivism.

1. The Reverse Assembly Truss

2. The Offset Tie

3. The relationship between postholes & trees

4. The relationship between trees & buildings

5. Systematic Irregularity in Prehistoric culture 

6. Foundation design and four post structures

7. Mathematical analysis of roundhouse geometry and foundation design

Structural Modelling

1. An LBK Longhouse structural model

2. The use of geometry in LBK Longhouses

3. Structural analysis of Class Ei buildings

4. Interlace theory - how post rings work

5. An Interlace model of Woodhenge

6. The use of the Rhombus in the architecture of Woodhenge

7. The relationship between geometry and Class Ei buildings

8. An Interlace model of Stonehenge {II}

9. The Late Bronze Age Timber Fort at Springfield Lyons

10. The use of Imperial metrics in Prehistory

11. The identification of stairs in roundhouses & other buildings

12. Modelling roundhouses using offset truss & interlace post ring

13. The use of load bearing walls in late Iron Age buildings

14. Other forms of circular timber timber towers & buildings

15.  A temporary “flex structure” similar to a tent near Stonehenge 

Hadrian’s Wall

1. The identification of  initial timber phase of Hadrian’s Wall

2. The scientific deconstruction of a Wall built of turf.

3. The identification of The Vallum as a foundation trench for an unfinished road

4. A coherent structural sequence for the development of Hadrian’s Wall

5. A strategic model for the garrisoning layout of the Wall 

6. Logistical models for the construction of the Wall 

7. A North-South road leading to a crossing of the Tyne at Wallsend.

8. The Roman diversion of the River Tyne at Chesters during bridge building.

2. Basic structural modelling 

The most important concept and the basis of any understanding of post built buildings is the difference between normal and reverse assembly. {sectional view}

• A Truss is composed of a rafter pair with a horizontal Tie across the bottom.

• This triangle is the basis of the roof as understood; a building is a roofed structure.

• Assembly is the detailed order in which the structural components are put together; i.e. foundations first to thatch last. 

• Normal Assembly; in a building with load bearing walls, the load of the roof is supported on a solid wall or timber frame, the roof truss and its tie sit on top.

• Reversed Assembly; in a building where the mass of the roof is supported on posts, it is practical to place the posts directly under the ties.

• This arrangement allows for;

• Lightweight wall construction

• Still present in Far Eastern tradition, {due to performance in earthquakes}.

• Offset posts which simplified jointing

Apparent irregularity in the layout of post hole foundations can be explained as a product of offset jointing, which simplifies construction and allows the rafter pair to be at right angles to the roof plate & ridge.  

• This single observation explains the ground plan of reverse assembly structures.

• It probably originates in PPNA as it is present at Göbekli Tepe, it comes to NW Europe with the architecture of the Neolithic LBK {Linearbandkeramik} farmers {c. 5500–4500 BC}.

• It is present in LBK Longhouses, other prehistoric rectilinear buildings, roundhouses, larger circular buildings {Class Ei} and their derivatives.

• The offset ties themselves can support “ queen” and “king” posts, which can in turn support other horizontal elements in the roof structure.

• To ensure rigidity in rectilinear structures, “braces” are required to create triangles in all planes; this prevents racking, and is sometimes known as weather bracing. 

• “Static” loading is created directly by the mass of the building, whereas “ dynamic” loading is created by environmental agencies such as wind, rain and snow acting on the structure.

By considering the load bearing characteristics of a foundation it is possible to calculate the sort of safe load it could carry. Using a simple model it is possible to estimate the capacity of an Iron Age Grannary.

• Understanding foundation design

• Post Hole depth is significant in establishing relationships

• Importance of local site geology / pedology in comparative foundation design

A long tradition of forestry and woodland management has developed a detailed understanding of trees which can be directly related to the remains of archaeological timber structures.  That woodland management was part of the LBK Neolithic package is evident from the consistency of post hole size and surviving coppiced timbers.

• DBH is diameter at breast height {4’},  is good approximation for size of the post pipe

• The key metric is the height of crown formation {c.⅔ top height }

• Larger trunks can be box sectioned by splitting.

• Coppice is method of growing multiple stem on single root system, {above right}

• Yield tables can form the basis of modelling

• The general parameters of buildings and structures are in part a product of the local availability of timber .

In addition to the inherent mechanical properties of timber, the feasibility of providing structural timber is also limited by the growth patterns of suitable trees. This imposes limitations on the size of structures, although it is difficult to be precise because of the presence of ancient forests with exceptional trees. More generally, vernacular architecture is ideally based on a consistent local supply of timber as is evident in the Mediaeval period.

• In general 50’ is a good length for an oak timber

• 60 - 70’ timbers can be inferred from building plans 

• Some longer timbers may be spit from larger stems

• 20’ unsupported span 

2.5 Relationship between trees, ties  & building proportions

In a reverse assembly offset truss the lowest horizontal timbers are ties which run across the width of the structure.  In the larger Class Ei structures, where the pattern is evident, the posts supporting these ties decrease in diameter towards the centre of the structure.  

• In general 50’ is a good length for an oak timber

• 60 - 70’ timbers can be inferred from building plans 

• Some longer timbers may be spit from larger stems

• 20’ unsupported span 

`

When measuring and  analysing all sizes of Iron Age engineered structures, it became apparent that symmetrical structures with opposing right angles were avoided. Notwithstanding a clear structural rationale {as above}, this appears to be a taboo in living spaces. It is self-evident the geometry of all forms of art.

This I named this phenomenon as” Systematic irregularity”  

• Four-post structures [Granaries]  are not in detail square

• Romano Celtic Temples, are nearly square

• The Severan Roman built round houses at Vindolanda are for hostages Hostages

Both in theory & practise the roofs of roundhouses reflect the geometry of a cone, in particular the relationship between roof mass & diameter [Notwithstanding the influence of timber supplies]

• There is a relationship between number of posts and area of roof indicating an architectural system.

• Late Iron Age buildings have load bearing Walls

• Over design 

Advanced Structural Models & Case Studies 

On the basis of a reversed assembly with a simplified truss it is possible to build a general model of this type of structure 

• Entrance at the front with stairs

• Two story with roof space 

• Stock enter from side 

• 5[?] unit building with upstairs accommodation

• Roof assembled from a ridge downwards.

Once allowance has been made for offset ties, it is clear that buildings are more accurately laid out that would first appear, with both 45 & 60  triangles evident.  

I refer to this as “internal Geometry” . It is an essential component of any engineered building and reflects the way the structure was laid out on the ground. 

•  This indicated the presence of bracing 

• Anti-racking bracing is a characteristic of mediaeval buildings

• Not present in Far eastern Timber architecture {dougong}[]

• Also required for the “valleys” at the intersection between a gable or window parallel to the ridge of the main roof.

• Emphasises the need for over design {& not simplicity/ primitive} 

My initial idea about the limitations of a conical roof were severely challenged by class Ei buildings, [] which after some initial modelling over 5 years demonstrated it was a building. It was clear how the outer roof worked, understanding how the 

Interlace theory is the structural solution to creating a multi-span roof to continuously cover a circular area far larger than is possible with a single roof.  Complex solution created by rotating existing rectilinear forms. 

Based on: 

• Offset radial ties for the base annular roof.

• Parallel radial ties to provide{Tangential} gables for lighting chords.

• Height is created by the use of horizontal structural nodes for queen & king posts.

• Multiple horizontal “elements” linking posts at different heights. 

• To avoid spacial conflict & facilitate construction a spiral assembly is necessitated 

• Widely applicable basis of Class Ei

• Related to earlier forms

• Inherently complex

• Bespoke high status architecture

Interlace theory is a structural solution which accounts for use of post rings as the basis of roofing, which allows for the construction of accurate models of these buildings

Assembly

Woodhenge is unique in being based on a rhombus rather than a circle.  The significance of this variety of materials lies in the use of the Rhombus, a symbol in a variety of other materials.

• Connection to Bush Barrow /Culture

• Significant Level of architectural competence

• Woodhenge was a palace 

Part of a multi-phase complex, the Late Bronze Age fort at Springfield Lyons, Essex, is a timber structure with box rampart with a series of integrated specialist military buildings.  The site produced more military metalworking debris in very large amounts.

• A series of rectilinear buildings laid out around a central roundhouse

• The buildings appear integrated into the fortifications

• One building has a smoke bay & is presumably a forge {Casting Pits}

• Methodology based on looking for regular “structures“ rather than “circles”.

• The first use of CAD in archaeology

• [It is not based on the existing culture of visual imagery of the past, reconstructions based on ethnographic parallels/racists tropes, or any of the concepts involving primitive or simplistic structures and peoples central to post-processualism].

From a detailed study of individual engineered structures, if some sense of the layout can be understood, it is clear that traditional “imperial “ feet & inches have been employed in England since the Beaker Period / EBA.  This is abundantly clear at Springfield Lyons.

• Craft tradition specialist of Architecticts / Engineers {Masons}

• Metrics can be an important cultural indicator

• Using classical style proportions & regular modules

• Bespoke architecture 

Two of the most important excavated examples of Iron Age roundhouses, Little Woodbury & Pimperne Down both had 2 phases, which reproduced the internal structure. 

• Part of the European tradition of Stock downstairs people upstairs 

• Highlights the practice of simplifying the data

• It is normal practice to remove all data that does not conform to the expected pattern.

• Indicates an entrance on the South side in some buildings.

• A much better fit to the archaeological evidence is achieved if  the roof is constructed using offset trusses than a simple wigwam style roof without ties.  This combined with interlace theory allows for structural solutions to a two or three story building as development of previous forms.

• Internal geometry suggest the use of offset truss

• Allows for provision of windows

• Allows for a central oven / hearth with chimney 

It's clear that by the late iron age  that load bearing walls were being used in buildings, e.g. Orset S9 { actually a TowerHouse }

The apparent  cultural requirement for circularity in dwelling spaces, together with the varying requirements of both site and function necessarily gives rise to a variety of defensive structures with complex roofs. 

• Gussage All Saints had a high status Late Iron Age, that was not detected because the excavation was implicitly looking for roundhouse structures like those at  Little Woodbury. 

• Bersu’s excavation Isle of Man

• Orsett S9 has a heavy construction & military context.

• Can be part of stone structure as might be presumed on the basis of scale at xxxxxxx

• Shortages of suitable timber may in part be responsible for the development of dry stone structures like brochs.

Shorter lived, Seasonal or temporary structures can be evidenced not by postholes but by features left by stakes forced rather than dug into the ground.  This form of building uses thinner flexible younger stems to form domes and similar that can be covered with thatch or even with fabric or leather as in a tent.

Classic

Stonehenge example

Prevalent in N America

• Hadrian’s Wall

• Explains the presence of the berm

• Normal practice of digging in and building temporary timber fortifications used by the Roman army in the field.

• Could be rapidly constructed.

• Emphasises the military nature of the project as a response to a real threat.

• Reproduces the form of the later Wall

• The initial Model predicts the form other ramparts such as Vindolanda 

4.2 Turf Ramparts

In a literary sense, the concept of a Wall of Turf originated with Bede in C8th who identified The Vallum as a “Turf Wall” built by Hadrian prior to construction of the stone Wall by Emperor Sererus. While this was thoroughly disproved by the turn of the 19th Century, a  new Turf Rampart running west from Birdoswald Fort was identified.   I reanalysed all the scientific data recovered in 2001 and for the following reasons concluded this structure could not scientifically have been constructed from turves. 

1. There is no soil process that could reduce a 14’ heap of local earth with grass and roots to a 2’ layer of peaty material.

2. There is an absence of mechanical components derived from a soil; locally, sand, grit and stones are characteristic of the natural soil.

3. The palynology is dominated by tree species & shrub species, with mixed material above and below. {Predominantly Hazel & Alder}

4. Carbonised plant remains are mainly wood fragments

5. Fruiting bodies of Fire Moss, a fungus that grows on timber, were also numerous in the preserved plant remains.

• There is no berm in front of the structure & it corresponds in its position to the Timber Wall.

• This is a British literary tradition and not reflective of the Romans’ own accounts which feature exclusively timber ramparts.

• Gives rise to an artificial binary choice between  Stone or Turf, the presence of the latter being ‘evidenced’ by the absence of the former.  

• Reference to Antoninus Pius building a second Turf Wall is a circular translation.

• Its survival at Appletree is an important indicator of progress at the end of Hadrian’s reign. 

existing boundary theory is without merit as it fails to account for any of the features in a coherent way All of the features can be explained as a construction trench for an

Imperial road, and Square cut profile and spoil

. . . . . .  .  .to be continued

.........

........

• A farm is an engineered environment of fields, tracks, buildings, water supply and other resources.  
• The scale of farm buildings  reflects the productive potential of the agricultural unit they service. 
• The range of building types reflects the productive potential of the agricultural unit it services.
• Spaces may retain very specific functions, others may be multi-functional, their use varying with the season.
• Farms are working spaces, and their design is the product on generations of ergonomic observations and best practice. 
• Agricultural built environments closely reflect the nature of local traditions and practice.

I realised British Archaeology was unwell, when I attended TAG 90, where the psychosis was already becoming evident. The Theoretical Archaeology Group, ;[or theoretical archaeologist group as I would characterise a group of academics temperamentally unsuited to practice archaeology, and for whom knowledge is not constrained by evidence or the English Language]; was a stepping stone for many who have subsequently helped fabricate the mindless melange of the New Post-rational Archaeology.

When, in 2006, I started my Ph.D. at Newcastle, a University so awful that even the staff had walked out, a small detail curiously omitted from their website, I had little idea how prevalent Science Denial had become. Not only was my engineering science of no interest, I was told to write about how buildings were perceived; in the Iron Age. While being ejected from a building bequeathed to the University by one of most region’s most famous engineering families, I had for a fleeting moment imagined that this bottom feeder of the academic system was just a venally corrupt nadir of mediocracy; but no, it's about par for the course.

Archaeology is an easy subject to dumb down, helping the University achieve the expected return on it’s property portfolio. Students are churned in their hundreds to find the next generation of credulous youth to maintain the tradition of copying out other peoples work in your best handwriting to obtain "research" funding.

For me, an essential prerequisite of a Theory is a dataset; but, given their monopoly, many academics have dispensed with the need for evidence and even the constrains of the English Language to revel in tautological self-indulgence and linguistic prestidigitation designed to conceal the nature of their conceits from those students & colleagues easily intimidated by a few polysyllables.

Let's Blame the BBC

However, I finally realised British academic archaeology was brain dead, when I chanced upon A History of Ancient Britain Series 1 Episode 3 Age of Cosmology. Even the title only makes sense if we completely redefine the Words "History" and "Cosmology" to mean the exact opposite of what they used to mean.

This is knowledge that is neither based on, or limited by, fact or meaningful language.  So I leave you in the capable hands of embryonic national treasure Dr Neil Oliver, as he and the BBC redefine the concepts of History, Cosmology, The Neolithic Revolution and intelligent thought, all in about 60 seconds.