Recommendations for kids, musings for parents, trying to stay sane.
After a series of trials and errors, we settle on a flat $5 weekly allowance for each kid. Jacob usually serves as the bank, because he more regularly remembers to go to the ATM, though we are usually paying out allowance in a deficit, $10 or $15 increment at a time.
Julian has a proclivity for saving and regularly counting his money with the ingrained i…
We received word of NYC middle school placements yesterday and as parent messages flew and chatter spread quickly across the 5th grade, it solidified the notion that my kid is truly a tween at the precipice of a major transition. While constantly grasping for autonomy and expressing strong opinions have their more jagged edges at times, the part of expression that comes with crafting a great look, or writing impassioned lyrics, or being able to problem solve how to bake something you’ve pre-visualized feels like a level of new tier of self-realization that I deeply enjoy seeing. I find myself adjusting and relaxing into these new ways to spend time, where child is still child, but also increasingly, a real pal.
Here are 11 things my tween’s been really into:
Thrifting: We’ve fully moved into the era of fashion-as-a-hobby, and because tweens are awkwardly between kids’ sizes/styles and adult sizes, Ada has discovered the thrill of the hunt and the reward of discovering when there’s just one of them, and it’s your size. Our go-tos are Owl Tree (in Carroll Gardens or on Flatbush), Buffalo Exchange in Cobble Hill, and then whatever small town thrift store we come upon. Here’s an outfit she fully sourced off the “free” rack at a shop outside Philly last weekend.
The moon that you sometimes see in the morning, visible in the light of the rising sun, is sometimes referred to as a “children’s moon.” I heard this once explained as a name attributed to children’s tendency to notice the presence of the moon when adults don’t. They haven’t yet cordoned the moon into being a phenomenon of the night. Their noticing prom…
While it may be ill-advised, I’m surviving off the seasonal allergy-combating trifecta of Claritin, Flonase, and Sudafed this week. Medical specialists need not weigh in. I do think it’s worth the price of the spring bloom. I lost two late night tennis matches in my brain-fog haze and it’s also the beginning of Highly Unprogrammed Public School April B…
When people ask me what I recommend they read, the answer, of course, depends on what kind of reader they are and the head space they’re in. My reading life is mostly literary fiction, leaning towards women authors. In waves, I’ve been obsessed with short stories; other years I just want lyrical books that are fun to read aloud. I lean away from historical fiction and sci fi, but am willing to be surprised, and love a tragicomic dysfunctional family epic. I want a well-constructed sentence that will make me excited about language, and a lot of character interiority. I wander in and out of non-fiction, usually compelled by a particular writer whose work I know from elsewhere. So, here are 73 books, primarily titles I’ve read in the last five years, that I’d happily recommend. (All links, except 1, go to Bookshop.org).
Categories of my own invention include:
1) Complex multi-generational family stories
2) Fast, funny and tender
3) Mind-bending, time-altering existential journeys
4) Other great fiction I recommend on repeat
5) Writing that’s impeccable on the sentence level
6) Beautiful, brief, and memorable nuggets
7) Story collections that flow and leave an imprint
8) Perspective-shifting non-fiction/memoir/poetry
9) Books about children that are really for adults AND books about parents that are not at all about parenting
These are almost all books of substantial page count, which is often what it takes to weave together the stories of many family members over the course of history. This is the type of novel that I could never fathom mapping out in my imagination; the embodiment (and often writing from the voice and perspective of so many distinct and flawed humans, each of them existing in their own, eventually colliding contexts.)
Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton (A billionaire and gardening activists clash. Part of the zeitgeist.)
The Bee Sting by Paul Murray (A master class in fully embodying vastly different minds and voices).
Wellness by Nathan Hill (Navigating marriage, middle-age, health and tech obsessions… )
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee (Maximally excited for her forthcoming new book, American Hagwon, out in September).
Julian has started a home foot spa business, where the treatment options are based on what he calls “foot density.” Jacob receives a treatment, which includes a cold towel rubbed across your heels, then pushed between your toes. It is very cold. He waves the towel around a little bit, in a dance, inspired by the Aufguss (sauna towel ritual) we experienc…
I’ve been in Austin, TX all week for SXSW Edu, moonlighting as an extrovert, running on the treadmill at the hotel gym, and eating tacos for 2/3 meals per day. It’s a nice portal for respite from the billionaires waging a senseless war, though I have a theory that after 72 hours of hotel life, one’s more productive routines (sleep, eating, drinking, hyg…
As someone who, in my twenties, dedicated all Wednesdays to reading the dining section of the NYT, kept up with all the latest in food media, and photographed/wrote about hundreds of restaurants for various publications, the slow-then-rapid slide into being unaware of the latest / best / most interesting restaurants to go to has felt a bit like the letting go of my youth.
What’s replaced an eating-out-at-nice-restaurants habit is having an arsenal of destination treats. I know where to go for my perfect scone, or a great cardamom bun, slice of pizza, or one, impeccable onigiri. Most of these are great places to sit alone with a book or with a friend, and are often just a very nice reason to walk a few extra blocks, when you happen to be in the right neighborhood.
(This is a very Brooklyn/Lower Manhattan-centric list! If you don’t live in NYC, all worth bookmarking for a future visit. If you’re in NYC, tell me all your other faves, pls!)
SweetMy proclivities are for not-too-sweet, a great bread or a cookie/scone/biscuit over all.
A cardamom bun at La Cabra (Soho, E. Village): exact right amount of chew to density to sweetness. Coffee also excellent here but the combo takes you >$10.
Yuzu filled custard concha + the the churros at Vato (Park Slope), known for their also very beautiful breakfast burritos (the mole en pollo is chef’s kiss, but also the sweets here are 10/10.
Jacob is making coffee, the kids are eating reheated waffles from the freezer, and I’m furiously responding to my most regular mom group chat with some hot takes on the new Ballerina Farm ballet-themed ad for protein powder slash announcement of her ninth pregnancy, “Strength at Every Stage.” It’s 7:25 a.m. and Jacob is as of yet unaware of this late br…
Even though the tech bros and billionaire autocrats and AI futurism hover like a giant dark cloud over every element of our life, there’s nothing like watching a human ski uphill at sub 6-min-mile pace, or a quadruple axle or Chloe Kim on the halfpipe or the Japanese snowboarder throwing a first-ever 2340 degree jump to recognize the glaring human capac…
I occupy an echelon as eater and cook that I’d affectionately label, “extremely lazy but maintains high standards.” There was a time, in my twenties and pre-children thirties, where I took on an Ottolenghi recipe as a form of weekend ambition. Jacob and I hosted multi-course dinner parties on the regular with a cocktail of the night and thematic decor. We didn’t own a dishwasher, and relished the social debrief over piles of dishes. Oh, the naiveté.
COVID and children and the cost of ingredients and the constancy required in the department of cleaning and provisioning have eroded my appetite for elaborate food preparation strategies. I’m neither the primary cook nor the primary grocery shopper in my home. I love a meal eaten standing up at the counter. I’m a true champion of the snack dinner. I love a Trader Joe’s hack, like the frozen chana masala, but then add some homemade sauces on top. That said, my threshold for not eating preservative-laden foods is exceptionally high and I’ve been known to hold out on a very long roadtrip to not eat rest-stop food. I will walk an extra mile for the destination coffee and pastry.
My kids are extremely average eaters, whose pickiness is enhanced by 2026’s optionality and abundance. While they have largely taken the same lunch to school for the greater part of five years, the only vegetable Julian eats is carrots, specifically “baby carrots.” He has a disproportionate love of high quality meats. Ada says she loves salad, by which she means only romaine lettuce with a very specific Caesar dressing. She only wants to drink oat milk, specifically Oatly. Julian prefers very dark chocolate, above 70% cocoa. Ada would like her rice bowls with furikake. Everyone has a favorite nut butter, all of different brands. We are both ordinary and ornery, a product of our times.
I’ve developed some systems, shortcuts, go-tos for our eating life. Or maybe just for my eating life. Some are recipes. Some are sauces. Some are products. Some are philosophies:
Sauce party: Keep a rotating cast of sauces in your fridge/pantry at all times. The four requisite are:
Green sauce is herby-acidic and a good dumping ground for aging herbs. There are many recipes, but mine is: big bunch of basil + big bunch of cilantro or parsley + a few cloves of garlic + pinch of red pepper flakes + 1 lemon + 1/2 cup olive oil + salt + pepper to taste. Blend!
Labne or whole milk yogurt. If you’re fancy you can make sizzled scallion labne dip. Or mix in zaatar or lemon juice. Or just buy labne at Sahadi’s.
Hot sauce: mine of choice is Salsa Valentina.
Chili crisp: Fly By Jing or Momofuku are my go-tos.
“I thought Jeff Bezos was a millionaire, not a billionaire,” says Julian over breakfast, obviously disappointed by this realization.
Jacob says, flatly, that he is one of the richest men in the world, and Ada backs this up, as though she’s known that all along.
Elon Musk gets a guest appearance credit in the TV show, Young Sheldon, about a nine year old …
The ads on my browser are for bathing suits modelled on waifishly thin women. I’m susceptible enough to go down a rabbit hole of bathing suits, caftans, beach sandals, those see-through crochet “dresses” that cannot possibly offer UV protection. The sun, when the other vitamin D we’re getting is primarily reflecting off the icy sidewalk, is a glimmer of hope. We could use some warmer times.
The weather app suggests that 14-17” of snow will fall on Sunday, though the forecast always seems optimistic in that regard. The high on Saturday is 16, so I’m hopeful the conditions remain optimal for a dumping. The only thing worse than no snow, is underwhelming snow, which is most of the time in New York.
I wear leggings under my pants when I walk to Walgreens a few blocks up from my apartment. I thought wearing double pants was a Korean thing as a child, my parents fashioning this from October until April, but it turns out it’s just a smart choice, even though my children find it embarrassing.
As the temperature drops, Jacob and I send more and more listings to each other of places where we could go in the summer. But, work. But, is it worth the money? But. But. We look up flights but there aren’t that many houses to rent with enough bedrooms for all the extended family needs; now I have seventeen tabs open from Airbnb and Expedia and Booking.com and Kayak to deal with on another day.
Recommendations from deep mid-winter:
Zohran’s PSA videos, like Know Your Rights When Dealing with ICE and for the Summer Youth Employment Video are such refreshing, fun, direct calls for civic engagement/awareness.
Ada in these Fostered Collection knit pants. Would she be mad, though, if I got a pair for myself?
Ada wants to know what she has to do to become the official babysitter of her two toddler cousins, 18 and 20 months old. She announces she is trustworthy, and then demonstrates, fairly reliably, over the holiday break, a relatively high level of responsibility.
She brings the toddlers snacks. She carries them in a sturdy hold when going …
I’m alone at home for the first time in weeks, enjoying the emptiness where the tree used to be and a level of quiet that allows me to hear the radiators hissing. Jacob’s in Montana for the week shooting a film, and the kids are—thank god—back in school. Yesterday, when I was actively trying to combat the Sunday scaries by getting into my calendar and i…
Below is a list of the books, podcasts, movies, skin/body products, clothes, daily use objects, and recipes I either used the most, discovered and improved my life, or stuck in my brain this year. It was a year of high focus, high cultural consumption, and high productivity, but admittedly: not because I set out for it to be that way. I found a rhythm t…
This will be my last essay for 2025. If you’ve enjoyed this newsletter, whether you’ve been here since 2021 or are new here, I hope that amidst the holiday torrent, you’ll consider upgrading to a paid subscription. For the rest of the year I’m offering a 20% discount on subscriptions, which enables the writing of these pieces (you also get full access t…
To nobody’s surprise, creating mental space from the object lust of black friday / cyber monday is a helpful way of feeling more nourished, whether that’s making food for others (or oneself), enjoying art that took thought and skill, or reading and listening to things that require focus and attention. Here are some things to eat, drink, watch, listen to, read, and that have brought pleasure and nourishment into my life in the last week.
Eat/drink:
To drink: I’ve been drinking large volumes of this Hany’s Fire Cider (mixed with seltzer) and I’m convinced it’s keeping me from getting sick. Not for the faint-hearted, extremely vinegar-y, spicy, a tiny bit sweet.
It’s Thanksgiving this week and whether or not you’re celebrating or feasting, lots of people could use a little (or a lot of) help. Consider donating to CHiPS, a Brooklyn-based organization that provides meals and shelter services to the unhoused and food insecure. Or, find somewhere near you to make a contribution.
As a child I was deeply self-conscious about wearing hats, refused them at all costs, and often went to first period of high school with frozen, post-shower hair. This continued through Ithaca winters and many summers getting blasted with sun on the tennis courts.
Cue: meeting Jacob, a person deeply invested in hats. In his twenties, he owned dozens of styles: baseball hats (of course), but a Panama hat and a hat to wear to a derby and a top hat and many styles for everyday wear. As a previously not-at-all-a-hat-person, it took me a minute to get on board, but now, we are fully an all-seasons hat-forward family.
With hat devotion comes hat discernment, and not all styles make the cut. Some don’t offer the right shape, some don’t have the right closure. I can’t have brands screaming off the front of my head (or my kids’ heads). It’s gotta be the right weight, the right brim length, and the right color for the season. Here are an array of adult + kids’ favorites, if you’re looking for both functional and stylish headgear.
Baseball caps
Pato 5-panel hats : Jacob got me one of these printed 5-panel hats from Pato for my birthday one year, which have colorful floral and abstract textiles. They’re beautifully made and feel quite special.
Park Deli hats: Funky hats from a florist-deli-bodega in Brooklyn with cool floral patterns and fun textiles.
Kas Maria Mixed Check Cap : I love the contrast of a floral print with a baseball cap. Perfect dress up/dress down. This Kas Maria style fits the bill, and there are others on the site with assorted beautiful prints and patterns.
Baggu Cotton Baseball Caps: These are not currently in print, but Baggu, the maker of bags galore, had a line of cotton baseball caps with an adjustable back, that are perfect every day pops of pattern. They’re available on Poshmark, or other resale sites online.
